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Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Quotes

Actress

Roseanne Barr is an American actress, comedian, screenwriter, and producer, born on November 3, 1952. She is best known for her starring role in the television show 'Roseanne', which achieved great success in the early 1990s. Barr is beloved by audiences for her unique sense of humor and candid personality.

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Famous Roseanne Barr Quotes

“Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal.”

Thinking Mind Drug Limits Illegal Pot Vicodin

Author:Roseanne Barr

“This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.”

Thinking Knows Left Wife Worst Husband Hey Lifts Devices Bugs Sofas Cushions Tracking Uterus

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I used to think that communing with nature was a healing, positive thing. Now, I think I'd like to commune with other things - like room service and temperature control.”

Thinking Used Nature Loss Rooms Healing Disaster Temperature Positive Things Communes Room Service

Book:Roseanne: my life as a woman

Source: Roseanne: my life as a woman

“My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.”

Thinking Problem Turns Ought Husband Fortune Wheels My Husband Turn Off Wheel Of Fortune

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.”

Thinking Children Littles Lines Car Keys Credit Access Cards Cracks Pipe Credit Card Car Keys

Book:Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

Source: Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

“It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won't.”

People Ifs Thinking Done Jobs Inspire Demand Democrat Inspired Servant Get Better Having Hope Public Servants Things Will Get Better

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Everything that`s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don`t think there`s anything I can do to stop it.”

Thinking I Can Can Do Written Negative Avalanches

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.”

Ifs Thinking President Saws Wife Huge Married Hot Crush Charm Boots Cowboy Babe President George W Bush Fundraiser Cowboy Boot My Cowboy

Author:Roseanne Barr

“As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape.”

Thinking Long Helping Solutions Abuse Scared Cycles Abusers

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”

Thinking I Can Humor Time Women Months Complaining Only Time Pms

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.”

Thinking World Want Should Humans Gone Rethinking

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.”

Thinking Art Real Form Powerful Comedy

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?”

Thinking Watches Tape Hysterical

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.”

Thinking President Politician

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled.”

Thinking Giving Different Feelings Happens Today Interesting Huge Give Me Regard Yesterday Video Occasions Comment Bores Crave Refrain Participating Poke Rare Occasion

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.”

Thinking Want Writing Persons Self Would Be Humanity Dies My Own Lonely Exciting Experiments Blogs Starting Over Wanting To Die

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously.”

Thinking Sometimes Facts Helping Messages Data Help Me

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice.”

People Thinking Two Guy Choices Evil Asks Opportunity Given Race Serious Debate Comedian Presidential Romney Lesser Evil Two Evils Lesser Of Two Evils

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.”

Thinking Asks Offers Solutions Humorists

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.”

Thinking Trying Real Stuff Views Comedy Jokes My Friends Universal Point Of View Broads

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.”

Ifs Thinking Trying Three Married Prison Strikes California Three Strikes

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men.”

Thinking Men Philosophy Desire Food Fats Better Man

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Part of my platform is, of course, the guilty must be punished and that we no longer let our children see their guilty leaders getting away with murder. Because it teaches children, you know, that they don’t have to have any morals as long as they have guns and are bullies and I don’t think that's a good message. . . . I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.”

Thinking Knows Children Long Courses Leader Moral Teach Worst Return Messages Gun Murder Our Children Favors Guilty Get Away Platforms Bully Guillotine

Author:Roseanne Barr

“The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.”

Thinking Mean Facts Kids Hanging Out

Author:Roseanne Barr

About the Author

Born: November 3, 1952
Known for: Actress
Quotes: 219

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People Thinking Knows Ifs Men Want Husband World Problem Trying Firsts Kids Mother Fats My Husband Should Wanted Years Kind Shows

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Books & Sources

Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut FarmRelated source material

Roseanne: my life as a womanRelated source material

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