“Most people are hurt deeply by betrayals in relationships. It might be better to really get up against and sort of contact that caring, and maybe take a more loving stance even with your own pain, and keep your feet moving towards what you really want, because the cost in terms of intimacy and connection and caring that comes when you try not to be vulnerable, when you're constantly looking out for betrayals of trust, is too great. It makes it very hard to have relationships of the kind that you really want. One, look where the pain is. Flip it over; you'll find that's where the values are.” PeopleTryingKindPainMovingValuesTermHurtCaringBetrayalVulnerableIntimacyOver You Author:Steven C. Hayes
“If a therapist is feeling insecure in therapy, a lot of therapists will try to sort of push that aside to try to do the therapy. Instead, we would ask people to get with that feeling of insecurity, because after all, the client is being asked to do the same thing. It has a kind of a quality of two human beings in the same situation, really, working through these psychological processes. And yeah, you hired me; I'm working for you as a therapist. But I'm not up here and you're down there. And what you're struggling with, at other times and with other areas I'm struggling with.” PeopleTryingKindFeelingsQualitySituationStrugglePsychologicalTherapyInsecurityInsecureFeeling Insecure Author:Steven C. Hayes
“Processes of avoiding the world within in order to try to regulate your behavior, or becoming entangled in your thoughts interfering with your ability to take advantage of what's around you, or losing contact with your values for fear that you'll know more about the places where you hurt - those kinds of processes are just normal psychological processes. And if you take the mode of mind that works great in 95 percent of your life and apply it within, it then implodes. It starts creating barriers, and that's true at work, it's true in our culture, true in our politics.” WorldTryingMindKindValuesCultureHurtAbilityBehaviorLosingPsychologicalBarriersInterfereAvoiding Author:Steven C. Hayes
“I kind of look at what's on the T-shirts and I see another solution, which also worries me. I see "Just do it." "No fear." - this kind of suppressive response to the treacle that the culture tries to define for us as a meaningful life also blows up on you. "No fear" is not something that you should put on your shirt. How about "I can hold my fear and still connect with you"? Put that on your shirt. "It's okay to be me, with all of my history." Put that on your shirt.” TryingKindCultureWorrySolutionsOkayResponseBlowMeaningfulShirtsNo FearMeaningful LifeJust Do It Author:Steven C. Hayes
“I think we're coming into a time where it has to do with how you stand in relationship to your own world within and in relationship to those around you in the world without. And I believe these are the things that we need to put into our schools, education, into our psychotherapy and into our culture more, finding a way to not be so harsh and judgmental, so objectifying and dehumanizing, constantly focused within and trying to get these difficult thoughts and feelings to go away.” ThinkingWorldTryingBelieveFeelingsSchoolCultureI BelieveDifficultFocusedGoing AwayHarshJudgmentalPsychotherapy Author:Steven C. Hayes
“Feelings are only your history being occasioned by the present moment. If that's your enemy, then your history is your enemy. If sensations are your enemy, your body is your enemy. And if memory is your enemy, you'd better have a way of controlling your mind in such a way that you never are reminded of things that are painful from the past. If you avoid people, avoid having your buttons pushed, avoid going to places that might occasion anxiety; if you're hammering down drugs and alcohol; these are all methods of trying to mount that unhealthy agenda.” PeopleTryingMindMomentsFeelingsPastMemoriesEnemyDrugAnxietyPainfulAlcoholPresent Moment Author:Steven C. Hayes
“Almost all people suffer some form of intense inner pain at some times in their lives. The suffering might be depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or suicidal thoughts and it results from the battles we wage against our thoughts as we futilely try to get rid of our historie.” PeopleTryingMightPainFormSufferingResultsSelf EsteemBattleAnxietyAbuseIntenseEsteemSubstanceOur ThoughtsSuicidalSuicidal ThoughtsSubstance Abuse Author:Steven C. Hayes
