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Terri E Apter Biography

Writer

Terri E. Apter is a British writer born on February 28, 1949. Her works span various fields, including psychology, gender studies, and literary criticism.

Related Quotes

“When a mother quarrels with a daughter, she has a double dose of unhappiness-hers from the conflict, and empathy with her daughter's from the conflict with her. Throughout her life a mother retains this special need to maintain a good relationship with her daughter.”

Needs Mother Special Conflict Empathy Daughter Unhappiness Quarrels Dose Mother Daughter Mother And Daughter Good Relationship Special Needs Mother And Daughter Relationship

Author:Terri E Apter

“We may be aware of small increments of getting older; we may meet an increasing number of people who make us uneasy with their youth; but the fact of being old ourselves comes as a surprise, and is often accompanied by the belief that there has been some mistake.”

People May Has Beens Facts Age Belief Numbers Mistake Youth Surprise Getting Old Getting Older Uneasy Being Old

Author:Terri E Apter

“Old age is a strange country, and most of us enter it unwillingly.”

Country Age Strange Old Age

Author:Terri E Apter

“It is not however, adulthood itself, but parenthood that forms the glass shroud of memory. For there is an interesting quirk in the memory of women. At 30, women see their adolescence quite clearly. At 30 a woman's adolescence remains a facet fitting into her current self.... At 40, however, memories of adolescence are blurred. Women of this age look much more to their earlier childhood for memories of themselves and of their mothers. This links up to her typical parenting phase.”

Looks Self Age Form Mother Women Memories Interesting Childhood Remains Glasses Currents Links Parenthood Adulthood Phases Adolescence Typical Fitting Facets Quirks Shrouds

Author:Terri E Apter

“The family is constantly changing, as each member changes. Some changes we recognize as developments, and the pleasure they bringusually makes us more adaptable. Some changes threaten, or disappoint other members, who may try to resist the change, or punish someone for changing.”

Trying May Change Pleasure Development Members Disappoint Adaptable

Author:Terri E Apter

“Sexual activity, for women, has a history of vulnerability, in a way it simply does not have for men. The mother has to teach thishidden text to her daughter. The mother's warnings, her attempts to halt sexual development in her daughter, are not so much signs of disapproval or envy, but of fear.”

Men Way Doe Mother Teach Development Activity Daughter Envy Vulnerability Warning Halt Disapproval

Author:Terri E Apter

“Insults from an adolescent daughter are more painful, because they are seen as coming not from a child who lashes out impulsively,who has moments of intense anger and of negative feelings which are not integrated into that large body of responses, impressions and emotions we call 'our feelings for someone,' but instead they are coming from someone who is seen to know what she does.”

Knows Children Doe Moments Feelings Body Emotion Daughter Negative Response Painful Impression Intense Insult Integrated Lashes Negative Feelings

Author:Terri E Apter

“Adolescent girls were fighting a mother's interference because they wanted her to acknowledge their independence. Whatever resentment they had was not towards a mother's excessive concern, or even excessive control, but towards her inability to see, and appreciate, their maturing identity.”

Wanted Mother Girl Fighting Identity Concern Appreciate Independence Acknowledge Mature Resentment Adolescence Inability Interference

Author:Terri E Apter

“The adolescent does not develop her identity and individuality by moving outside her family. She is not triggered by some magic unconscious dynamic whereby she rejects her family in favour of her peers or of a larger society.... She continues to develop in relation to her parents. Her mother continues to have more influence over her than either her father or her friends.”

Doe Moving Mother Father Parent Magic Influence Identity Relation Individuality Unconscious Rejects Adolescence Peers Favour Moving Out

Author:Terri E Apter

“Parents are never forgiven for not giving just the right response at the appropriate moment. Or, rather, there are particular times in the adolescent's or young adult's life, when a certain response is needed, and this need is not met, and the failure to meet this need is forever remembered, and is never forgiven.”

Needs Giving Moments Young Certain Parent Forever Particular Needed Mets Adults Response Young Adult Remembered Appropriate Adolescence Forgiven Never Forgive

Author:Terri E Apter

“Parenting can be established as a time-share job, but mothers are less good "switching off" their parent identity and turning to something else. Many women envy the father's ability to set clear boundaries between home and work, between being an on-duty and an off-duty parent.... Women work very hard to maintain a closeness to their child. Father's value intimacy with a child, but often do not know how to work to maintain it.”

Knows Children Hard Home Jobs Mother Values Father Parent Ability Know How Clear Share Identity Duty Envy Boundaries Intimacy Closeness Switching Switching Off

Author:Terri E Apter

“The myth of independence from the mother is abandoned in mid- life as women learn new routes around the mother--both the mother without and the mother within. A mid-life daughter may reengage with a mother or put new controls on care and set limits to love. But whatever she does, her child's history is never finished.”

May Children Doe Care Mother Limits Daughter Independence Finished Myth Abandoned Routes

Author:Terri E Apter

“This is the hope of many adolescent girls--to capture a parent's heart with love for them as they are, as people. They reject thenotion of being loved just because they are the child of the parent. They want the parent to fall in love with them all over again, because being new, they deserve a new love.”

People Want Heart Children Fall Girl Parent Deserve Falling In Love Rejects Capture Being Loved

Author:Terri E Apter

“Adolescents do get very angry with their parents, and acknowledging this anger is part of acknowledging them. If the anger is notacknowledged then its expression is increased. The parent seems super-strong. The adolescent tries to become the super-attacker.”

Ifs Trying Seems Strong Parent Expression Angry

Author:Terri E Apter

“Preoccupied with her self, the adolescent sees enormous changes, whereas the parent sees the child she knew all along. For the parent, new developments are superficial and evanescent. For the adolescent, they are thrilling and profound.”

Children Self Parent Development Profound Enormous Superficial Thrilling

Author:Terri E Apter

“Adolescence has been recognised as a stage of human development since medieval times--long, long before the industrial revolution--and, as it is now, has long been seen as a phase which centers on the fusion of sexual and social maturity. Indeed, adolescence as a concept has as long a history as that of puberty, which is sometimes considered more concrete, and hence much easier to name and to recognize.”

“One of the main tasks of adolescence is to achieve an identity--not necessarily a knowledge of who we are, but a clarification ofthe range of what we might become, a set of self-references by which we can make sense of our responses, and justify our decisions and goals.”

Self Might Goal Decision Achieve Identity Tasks Response Make Sense Range Who We Are Justify Adolescence Clarification

Author:Terri E Apter

“Adolescents swing from euphoric self-confidence and a kind of narcissistic strength in which they feel invulnerable and even immortal, to despair, self-emptiness, self-deprecation. At the same time they seem to see an emerging self that is unique and wonderful, they suffer an intense envy which tears narcissism into shreds, and makes other people's qualities hit them like an attack of lasers.”

“Adolescents, for all their self-involvement, are emerging from the self-centeredness of childhood. Their perception of other people has more depth. They are better equipped at appreciating others' reasons for action, or the basis of others' emotions. But this maturity functions in a piecemeal fashion. They show more understanding of their friends, but not of their teachers.”

About the Author

Born: February 28, 1949
Known for: Writer
Quotes: 19

Books & Sources

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