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Whitney Cummings

Whitney Cummings Quotes

Comedian

Whitney Cummings is an American comedian, actress, and writer, born on September 4, 1982. She rose to fame with her stand-up comedy and has appeared in numerous television shows and films. Cummings is known for her sharp wit and has received accolades for her work in the entertainment industry.

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Famous Whitney Cummings Quotes

“My dad showed me that it's my responsibility to provide my own joy, and that every moment is a chance to find lightness.”

Humor Joy Lightness

Book:I'm Fine...And Other Lies

Source: I'm Fine...And Other Lies

“We're brainwashed with garbage idioms like "Big girls don't cry". Guys who "cry like a girl" are told to "man up". Or "she's crying like a baby", as if only babies cry, which makes no sense to me, given babies have the fewest problems out of all of us. They don't have mortgages or jury duty, and they get the fun end of the whole birthing situation. The mother is the one who is pushing and bleeding and tearing, and the baby basically just gets to jet down a water slide. I think the whole "crying like a baby" idiom should be reversed: what we should say about babies is "Jesus, that baby is crying like a grown-up!”

Feelings Funny Cry Emotions Crying Babies

Book:I'm Fine...And Other Lies

Source: I'm Fine...And Other Lies

“I had always thought crying was a sing of failure. In our culture we're made to feel ashmed of showing our feelinngs, of being vulnerable. If a woman cries, she's crazy, emotional, has PMS, or whatever the most current pejorative dismissive term is.”

Feelings Emotions Sexism Crying

Book:I'm Fine...And Other Lies

Source: I'm Fine...And Other Lies

“if your Problem is someone else's behavior, you go to a program for the solution, because the solution might be do nothing.”

Author:Whitney Cummings

“When a guy writes a scene where a woman does a deviant sex act on camera, it's objectifying. But when a woman writes it, it's feminism.”

Writing Doe Guy Sex Women Feminism Scene Cameras Deviants Objectifying

Author:Whitney Cummings

“Good evening, America. I'm a woman, and welcome to The Late Late Show.”

Shows America Late Welcome Evening Good Evening

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I have so much to be thankful for. I work with the most amazing people, get to make people laugh for a living and have the most amazing friends. But, I am mostly thankful for Spanx.”

People Laughing Being Thankful Making People Laugh Most Amazing Amazing People Spanx Amazing Friend

Author:Whitney Cummings

“A true friend will go with the instagram filter that flatters you.”

Women True Friend Instagram Filters

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I guess the verdict is in - I am not a sociopath. It's not effective or productive not to be nice. It would undermine the goals I want to achieve on any given day.”

Want Given Goal Nice Achieve Productive Being Nice Sociopath Verdict

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.”

Want Looks Problem Eye Faces Terrible Bags

Author:Whitney Cummings

“My definition of love is: Being willing to die for someone, that you yourself want to kill.”

Want Dies Love Is Willing Definitions Willing To Die Definition Of Love

Author:Whitney Cummings

“Why do all balls look like they're 150 years old?”

Years Looks Funny Comedy Balls

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I feel like, in a lot of shows where the woman is in charge, the woman is this ball buster and the guy is sort of weak and spineless. And that's never been my experience in a relationship. I think it's much more interesting that the guy is the boss. And there are stakes.”

Thinking Feels Shows Guy Interesting Relationship Weak Balls Boss Stakes Busters Spineless

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot young thing, I'm probably not the first person on their list - the weird, quirky, funny girl.”

Ifs Firsts Persons Young Guy Girl Dating Hot Lists Producers Crafts Plus First Person Quirky Funny Girl

Author:Whitney Cummings

“Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete.”

People Black Credit Black People Obsolete

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I did some pretty embarrassing modeling, like catalogs and QVC. I know there's probably a stereotype where all pretty girls think they're unattractive, but modeling is the worst thing for your self-esteem, because you're never pretty enough, you're never thin enough.”

Thinking Knows Self Enough Girl Worst Self Esteem Esteem Worst Things Stereotype Embarrassing Modeling Pretty Girl Unattractive

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.”

People Thinking Men Writing Comedy He Man Jokes

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I remember my agent at ICM at the beginning of my career telling me that I wasn't pretty enough, that I was always going to be a quirky sidekick. And he was an ogre of a man. He should have been carrying a torch. If he was in a bar, he couldn't have come near me, and then he was deciding my fate.”

Ifs Men Should Has Beens Enough Remember Careers Fate Should Have Bars Agents Should Have Been Torches Quirky Sidekicks

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I think that we're in a really amazing time, where there are really a lot of really fantastic female actresses and comedians. I imagine there's just a lot of opportunity for women to have powerful roles. Or it's just that there's more women writing TV. Women tend to maybe write strong women.”

Thinking Writing Opportunity Strong Powerful Roles Imagine Tvs Female Actresses Fantastic Comedian Strong Women Really Amazing

Author:Whitney Cummings

“I was joking the other day about how my real life feels like a TV show, and my TV life feels real - because, to be on Thursday nights on NBC, which is what I grew up with, has been such a big part of inspiring me. To be part of that tradition is really completely surreal, and I'm so grateful.”

Feels Has Beens Real Shows Bigs Night Tvs Grew Grew Up Tradition Grateful Real Life Tv Shows Surreal Thursday Nbc So Grateful Thursday Night

Author:Whitney Cummings

“There was a time in L.A. when I drove to 7-Eleven to go grocery shopping, and I locked my keys in my car, which wasn't insured. My wallet was in there, and I couldn't call AAA, because I only had $7 in my bank account. It was one of those moments where I was like, 'O.K., I literally have nothing right now.”

Moments Car Keys Right Now Accounts Shopping Locked Eleven Groceries Wallets Bank Accounts Grocery Shopping

Author:Whitney Cummings

About the Author

Born: September 4, 1982
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 21

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