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Quote by Bill Bailey

“Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"”

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Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey is a British comedian born on January 13, 1964. Known for his unique sense of humor and versatile performance skills, he has made a name for himself in various fields including comedy, music, and theater. more

“Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.”

Humans Humor Funny Law Universe Courses Failing Function Down And Endeavor Collapse Slow Down Gigs Pointless Rendering Entropy Slowing Of Context Thermal

Author:Bill Bailey

“I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'”

Should Said Humor Funny Faces Dad Should Have Rubbish Hawks Blokes Slayer

Author:Bill Bailey

“How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!”

Doe Two Humor Light Funny Four Eight Screws Bulbs Light Bulb

Author:Bill Bailey

“I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.”

People Country Humor Running Kids Funny Games Doors Childhood Rounds Fantastic Running Away Foxes Knocking Badgers

Author:Bill Bailey

“People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'”

People Humor Funny Bills Optimist

Author:Bill Bailey

“Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'”

People Want Humor Would Be Funny Fellows Fancy Swim Farmers Cows Dolphins

Author:Bill Bailey

“That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.”

“The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.”

Needs Said Humor Funny Bits Harder Meat Eggs Chef Wraps Scottish Scotch Snacks Tasty

Author:Bill Bailey

“I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!”

Humor Funny Lord Woods Bows Dominion Snail

Author:Bill Bailey

“I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.”

Way Humor Funny Members Organization Terrorist Violent Department Laundry Non Violent Catering

Author:Bill Bailey

Quote by Bill Bailey

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