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Claims Quotes

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Claims Quotes

“Every American, to the last man, lays claim to a "sense" of humor and guards it as his most significant spiritual trait, yet rejects humor as a contaminating element wherever found. America is a nation of comics and comedians; nevertheless, humor has no stature and is accepted only after the death of the perpetrator.”

Men Funny Lasts America Spiritual Found Nations Elements Claims Lays Accepted Significant Comedian Rejects Sense Of Humor Traits Nevertheless Stature Perpetrators

Author:E. B. White

“Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!!”

Thinking Men Way Humor Funny Sex Minutes Ears Claims Therapists Licking

Author:Billy Connolly

“My father was a small claims court jester.”

Humor Funny Father Claims Court Jester Court Jester

Author:Steven Wright

“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.”

People Inspirational Firsts Two Action Funny Groups Type Claims Accomplish Accomplished Motivational Sports Crowded Crowded Places

Author:Mark Twain

“It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.”

People Humor Funny Opposites Claims Proclamation

Book:Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Source: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise.”

World Play Funny Games Exercise Humorous Claims Liars Golfers Golf Game

Author:Tommy Bolt

“A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery.”

Inspirational Persons Funny Wall Claims Funny Inspirational Skeptic Handwriting Forgery Handwriting On The Wall

Author:Morris Bender

“These mercenaries and hirelings kidnapped civilians in the Al-Faw Peninsula so that they might claim that they captured Iraqi soldiers.”

Might Funny Military Claims Soldier Als Civilians Captured Kidnapped Peninsulas

Author:Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

“The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.”

People Two Real Humor Funny America Political Politics Party Politician Republican Humorous Claims Democrat Winner Acknowledge Sunset Loser Imaginary Political Parties Membership

Book:Kurt Vonnegut: Letters

Source: Kurt Vonnegut: Letters