“He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.” SometimesHandsFunnyEnjoySoundVoiceWonderBeatsHumorousImportanceSatisfactionObviousSentencesMellow Book:Bleak House Source: Bleak House
“I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.” SometimesShowsHumorEyeFunnyEnjoyAudienceEyelids Author:Mitch Hedberg
“People think I'm into sports because I'm a man. But I'm not into sports. I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and play basketball to enjoy Gatorade. You can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic!” PeopleThinkingMenWayPlayHumorFunnySportsEnjoyForgetBasketballThirstyDemographicsGatorade Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number, but often they'll use too many letters? "Call 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Brand-New-Carpeting." Too many letters, man, must I dial them all? "Hello? Hold on, man, I'm only on 'Enjoy.' How did you know I was calling? You're good, I can see why they hired you!"” KnowsMenWantI CanUseHumorFunnyEnjoyNumbersCompanyCallingLettersPhonesBrandsHelloBrand NewDid You KnowPhone Numbers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.” KnowsTryingStillsUseHumorWantedFunnyTurnsStuffEnjoyDadLettersMy DadQuittingHarshOperatorsSteamboats Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.” PeopleIfsSometimesHumorFunnyEnjoyWonderQuietDead People Author:Doug Stanhope
“It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.” HumorFunnyEnjoyDifficultPrayingMosques Author:Milton Jones
“I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.” HumorFunnyUsedEnjoyDrugCommitmentHandle Author:Marc Maron
“I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".” IfsSaidEnoughHumorFunnySexEnjoyWifeMy WifeDragCigarette Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.” HumorHandsFunnySexEnjoyRidingRoller CoasterHaving SexCoastersCondomHands UpDiarrhea Author:Adam Carolla
“Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.” KnowsTwoHumorFunnyEnjoyOpinionFiveMagicSeriousDrinkDancingTricksBiographiesMikeWildlifeMagic Tricks Author:Mike Birbiglia