“I saw soda pop for $1.20 a six pack. That price messes with your head. You start thinking you're gonna sell soda pop. Suddenly I've got packs of pop with me. "Looking to buy some pop? 50 cents a can. It's not refrigerated because this is a half-assed commitment!"” ThinkingHumorFunnyHalfSawsSixCommitmentSellsPopsMessCentsPacksSodaSix PacksSoda Pop Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!” IfsKnowsWayHumorLightWantedFunnyTurnsThreeBreakOppositesMessBrighterBulbsLight BulbThree Ways Author:Mitch Hedberg
“My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.” WantLooksHumorFunnyMotherHoursRoomsFiveMessWant MePigsHe Wants Me Author:Bill Cosby