“You know crazy straws - they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy."” KnowsMindHumorFunnyGuyLostCrazyMouthsSaneThat GuyStraws Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.” HumorFunnyHurtMouthsIt HurtsGerms Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'” WorldNeedsCountryHumorFunnyAmericaEconomyHonestMouthsConsumersBeing HonestAppetiteOther Countries Author:Marc Maron
“As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'” ThinkingFeelsSoulHumorFunnyTogetherPastSleepBabyBedMouthsDiedYeahLaysComing OutBizarreDeprivationPast LifeSleep Deprivation Author:Adam Ferrara
“I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.” HumorKidsFunnyHateMouthsI Hate Author:Jim Norton