“I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.” IfsKnowsWantHumorFunnyTurnsPhonesCellsCell Phone Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?” ThinkingTwoHumorFormPoliticalAnswersFiveHundredProgramPhonesSpendingEightyFilesBureaucratsPolitical Humor Author:George W. Bush
“The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."” PeopleKnowsTwoRealEnoughHumorFunnyMovingNextAsksEasyAnswersNumbersPressesPhonesNext TimePhone Numbers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number, but often they'll use too many letters? "Call 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Brand-New-Carpeting." Too many letters, man, must I dial them all? "Hello? Hold on, man, I'm only on 'Enjoy.' How did you know I was calling? You're good, I can see why they hired you!"” KnowsMenWantI CanUseHumorFunnyEnjoyNumbersCompanyCallingLettersPhonesBrandsHelloBrand NewDid You KnowPhone Numbers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.” MenFeelsImportantHumorFunnyPhonesButtons Author:Rita Rudner
“Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.” KnowsWellsHumorFunnyLife IsSexCitiesConversationIncludingPhonesCoffeeArticlesMobileUnhealthyMobile Phones Author:Dylan Moran
“We use similar products. Our focus industry is healthcare and hospitality. But we haven?t done anything interactive. The first day full of seminars is full of things I thought would be useful: quick service restaurant and mobile phone applications. Businesses are providing more services and products by self-service means.” FirstsMeanSelfDoneUseHumorWould BeFunnyFocusHavensProductsIndustryPhonesRestaurantsApplicationHealthcareProvidingHospitalityMobileMobile PhonesInteractiveSeminarsSelf Service Author:Milton Jones
“The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.” IfsSaidTwoHumorEyeFunnyCoursesLinesPicksPhonesDamnBlessPsychicsGod BlessTwo DaysGod Bless You Author:Ellen DeGeneres