“I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"” IfsHumorFunnyGuyFoundMillionsDollarsCharitySmallestPiePizzaMillion DollarsDonate Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams.” KindCountryMomentsDreamHumorFunnyLastsPoorQualityBrokenColdLateEnglandBottomWeatherHolidayOnlineWildernessRetirementPieGreyPollsQuality Of LifePublic ServiceEuropean CountriesBroken DreamsHealth ServicesPoor Health Author:Bill Bailey
“I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.” BelieveMeanMadeEnoughHumorFunnyUniverseSweetDon't BelieveSmellSugarPiePumpkinPumpkin Pie Book:Nothing's Sacred Source: Nothing's Sacred
“Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!” HumorEyeFunnyLastsMillionsCuttingBirdTinyTricksTemplesHittingPieLast TimeFlewCutters Author:Noel Fielding