“We've been able to watch on our television screens sophisticated weaponry find a building; and we've seen dramatic reports from the front where Pulitzer Prize-to-be winning reporters stood up and declared, the United States is attacked, and all that.” StatesHumorAblePoliticalWinningUnitedWatchesUnited StatesFrontsTelevisionBuildingScreensDramaticReportsPrizeSophisticatedReportersStood UpPolitical HumorWeaponry Author:George W. Bush
“I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.” IfsMenWantHumorWould BeFunnyWinningFairsCraftsPrizeHandfulJars Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?” IfsMenUseHumorFunnyFoundWinningSituationPhotographSpeedSettingSettingsPrizeDrowningShuttersPrize Winning Author:Paul Harvey
“What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!” IfsWholeShowsHumorFunnyChoicesDoorsWallSittingTrainPrizeLockedMultipleToiletsSlidesAnything GoesQuizMultiple ChoiceUnveilingQuiz Show Author:Frankie Boyle