“I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!” KnowsWayDoeSaidTwoHumorFunnyTogetherEasyBornSimpleSawsMiddleMissingTvsArmsLettersRaisesThey SaidContractions Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.” EndsHumorFunnyWalksRaisesTaxi Author:Jimmy Carr
“Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!” HelpingBodyHumorFunnyRaisesBlindLondonRanMarathonJordanJogging Author:Frankie Boyle
“I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.” SaidSometimesHumorKidsFunnyDadRaisesMovedDollarsMy DadSpokesMy Sister Author:Adam Carolla
“Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.” BelieveHumorHandsBigsFunnyCrossesRaisesBordersBig ThingsOathDisneylandWaltCalifornians Book:I KID YOU NOT Source: I KID YOU NOT