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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes

“A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.”

Persons Humor Funny America Law Justice Luck Lawyer Chosen Twelve Favourite Modern World Jury Attorney Law And Justice Justice And Injustice Law Students Judge And Jury

Author:Robert Frost

“I myself saw and touched at Dessay, a child of this sort, which had no human parents, but had proceeded from the Devil. He was twelve years old, and, in outward form, exactly resembled ordinary children.”

Years Humans Children Humor Form Parent Religious Saws Ordinary Devil Touched Twelve

Book:The Life of Luther Written by Himself

Source: The Life of Luther Written by Himself

“I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"”

Years Ideas Humor Funny Hours Simple Boys Air Comfortable Yeah Twelve Conditioning Air Conditioning Sweatshops

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but only the last four numbers. Aha! I'm really good at guessing twelve numbers. I can't guess 16 numbers, so thanks for the assistance!”

I Can Humor Funny Lasts Numbers Pay Four Credit Cards Thanks Twelve Assistance Credit Card Guessing Receipts

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".”

World Said Humor Funny Past Type Ten Hearing Aids Brands Mates Twelve Brand New Hearing Aids

Author:Billy Connolly

“A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.”

Ifs Humor Funny Games Study Months Twelve Cents Teens Pledge Virginity

Author:Tina Fey

“My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"”

Years Two Home Humor Funny Girl Behinds Boys Saws Feet Son Walking Yeah Size My Son Genes Twelve Shut Up Gifted Walking Home

Author:Bill Engvall