“If you have to be in a soap opera try not to get the worst role.” IfsTryingHumorRolesWorstAdviceOperaSoapSoap Operas Author:Judy Garland
“My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark” ShouldBelieveHumorFunnyDarkWifeWorstDon't BelieveMy WifeCooksBelieve In MeGlow In The DarkMeatloaf Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“When you're doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have 5 minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That's the worst method. You're up here, and then you see a floating candle. "Oh, no! This place is haunted!" I can't be funny when I'm frightened.” MeanI CanShowsHumorLightFunnyLeftMinutesWorstStageRedMethodClubsFrightenedCandleFloatingRed Lights Author:Mitch Hedberg
“"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.” SaidHumorFunnyRememberMotherWorstSickTired Author:Bill Cosby
“The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.” HumorFunnyJobsTurnsNationsUnitedWorstFieldsThousandMassGravesOne TimeUnited NationsCarrotsSnowman Author:Milton Jones
“This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.” HumorCareFunnyWorstDon't CareI Don't CareAmbitiousAmelia Author:Kristen Schaal