“humor bears the closest relation to emotion, either bubbling up as from a deep and happy wellspring, or in an opposite fashion rising like a re-birth of feeling from dead levels after turmoil.” FeelingsHumorLevelsEmotionFashionBearsBirthOppositesRelationRisingClosestTurmoilWellspring Author:Constance Rourke
“If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?” IfsHumorGovernmentFunnyProgressOppositesWitty Author:Paul Harvey
“If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.” IfsHumorRunningFunnyOppositesBoringNever ChangeParades Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!” IfsKnowsWayHumorLightWantedFunnyTurnsThreeBreakOppositesMessBrighterBulbsLight BulbThree Ways Author:Mitch Hedberg
“One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'” DoeHumorFunnyOppositesMy FavoritePatternsWoodsHeyClothingsCamouflage Author:Demetri Martin
“1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.” MenFirstsHumorFunnyMovingWaitingSidesMen And WomenOppositesValentineValentine's Day Author:Kristen Schaal
“What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!” HumorFunnyOpposites Author:Russell Howard
“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.” InspirationalHumorFunnyHopeWaitingSilenceTalkingListeningExpectationsOppositesLuckMemorableCoachingTalking And Listening Author:Fran Lebowitz
“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.” PeopleThinkingMenHumorFunnyComedyStupidOppositesBreasts Author:Rita Rudner
“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.” PhilosophyHumorFunnyOppositesAverageJudaismStupid PeopleExpectancyLife Expectancy Author:George Carlin
“It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.” PeopleHumorFunnyOppositesClaimsProclamation Book:Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea Source: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
“Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?” IfsMeanDoeFactsHumorGovernmentFunnyMovingPoliticalProgressHumorousOppositesCongressMoving ForwardComedianPros And Cons Author:Nipsey Russell
“If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?” IfsHumorFunnyClearFailingCryCommunicationFailureOppositesRevolutionaryMonkRebellious Author:Anton Chekhov
“Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against things. Anti-immigrant, for example. And were not a party of anti-immigrants. Quite the opposite. Were a party that welcomes people.” PeopleHas BeensHumorPoliticalPartyExampleOppositesImmigrantsTagged Author:George W. Bush