“President Bush admitted that the United States went to war in Iraq based on bad intelligence. But he says knowing what we know now he would still do it again. So at least we're learning from our mistakes.” KnowsStillsWarStatesPresidentUnitedMistakeUnited StatesKnowingIraqPresident BushLearning From Our Mistakes Author:Jay Leno
“Osama bin Laden put out a new video. The timing of this video has some people upset, three days before we vote. It looks like he's trying to influence the election. And I'll tell you, it's not going to work. Americans know Osama bin Laden does not pick our president. The Supreme Court does.” PeopleKnowsTryingLooksDoeThreePresidentInfluencePicksVoteElectionCourtSupremeVideoUpsetTimingSupreme CourtGoing To WorkBin LadenOsama Bin Laden Author:Bill Maher
“Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has.” KnowsKindWantedCoursesPresidentAimClintonBin LadenPresident Clinton Author:Jay Leno
“As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to take our retirement money and invest it in the stock market. He says nothing can go wrong. I'll mention that to Martha Stewart the next time I see her.” KnowsWantTryingHas BeensCountryNextSocialPresidentPlansSecuritySellsRetirementNext TimeSocial SecurityPresident Bush Author:Jay Leno
“As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.” KnowsWayFightingReadingPresidentKnow HowNiceSecurityMonthsSummerDemocratExpectedRelaxWarningVacationConventionsNational SecurityBostonPresident BushSmirkFighting BackGoing On Vacation Author:Craig Kilborn
“Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's not the only Bush in freefall.” IfsKnowsPresidentCelebrateFormerAirplanePollsPresident Bush Author:David Letterman
“President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.” KnowsPresidentWeekendBikePresident BushBicycleReally SadStationary Author:Jay Leno
“You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the training wheels.' That's what he said, 'take off the training wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his bicycle. And they wonder why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously.” KnowsWorldSaidFallPresidentLeaderWonderReadyTrainingIraqWheelsEmbarrassingBicycleTraining Wheels Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.” PeopleKnowsWantMeanPresidentSpaceMoonDrinkingStationsMarsPresident Bush Author:David Letterman
“It is a great mistake for presidents and other leading executives of organizations having branches throughout the country to chain themselves to their desks at headquarters and send out rigid instructions to those in charge of distant branches and offices. Because a man sits in a palatial office in New York or Chicago or Philadelphia or Detroit and draws a big salary, it does not necessarily follow that he knows better than the man on the spot what ought to be done.... Paul, Caesar, Napoleon did not merely sit at home and issue long-range instructions.” KnowsMenLongDoeCountryDoneHomeBigsPresidentMistakeIssuesNew YorkHe ManOughtOfficeDrawsOrganizationSpotsChainsRangeBranchesExecutivesChicagoInstructionDesksSalaryDetroitPhiladelphiaGreat MistakesHeadquarters Author:B. C. Forbes
“The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the most votes wins.” KnowsNightWinningPresidentDifferencesVotePressesIdolsConferencesPresident BushAmerican IdolPress Conferences Author:Jay Leno
“President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.” KnowsWantWellsPresidentPerfectCongressExcitedTestimonyLooking ForwardPresident BushRice Author:David Letterman
“President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China.” IfsKnowsWantShouldStatesJobsLastsLostPresidentEconomyRecordsWeekEconomicOfficeIndiaChinaPresident BushOhioThailand Author:Jay Leno
“Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick?” KnowsPresidentNewsSickPresident BushPassed AwayBlair Author:Jay Leno
“A President Roosevelt comes only once in a century. I believe God knew and does know of the need of the world at this moment. I don't believe President Roosevelt is an accident in time, or that it is an accident that he is President for a third time. I believe that Franklin D. Roosevelt truly is the voice of liberty in the world.” KnowsWorldNeedsBelieveDoeMomentsI BelievePresidentVoiceLibertyDestinyCenturyGreatnessThirdsDon't BelieveAccidentsBelieve In GodFranklinThird TimePresident Roosevelt Author:Lyndon B. Johnson
“Nearly everyone who is unemployed votes "Democrat." Nearly every immigrant, at least in the first generation, votes "Democrat." Nearly every non-white American votes "Democrat." The GOP know that so intellectually and financially bankrupt an administration should never have been re-elected - indeed, given the scale of electoral fraud practiced by the "Democrats," he may not actually have been re-elected (always supposing that he had the constitutional right to hold the office of president in the first place).” KnowsShouldFirstsMayHas BeensGivenPresidentWhiteGenerationsOfficeVoteDemocratScalesAdministrationImmigrantsFraudUnemployedGopSupposingSupposing That Author:Christopher Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley
“When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States.” KnowsStatesShowsRealityPresidentWalksUnitedUnited StatesSeriousCandidatesReality Shows Author:Jay Leno
“The truth of the matter is one knows what it's like being the president. Not I, nor any president to come hence. This is because life, thankfully, offers deeper quandaries. While in office, I would often wake up in a daze, wondering how I could wiggle my toes without even thinking it so, or why hair grows only on certain places and not our entire bodies, or why we aren't completely bald, or why we must close our eyes and sleep every night, or any of the millions of particulars of daily existence, let alone that I was elected the leader of an entire nation.” ThinkingKnowsMatterBodyEyeNightCertainNationsGrowsPresidentSleepExistenceLeaderWonderMillionsHairOffersOfficeWake UpDeeperEvery NightToesDaze Author:George Washington
“I think it's understandable that when questions are raised, people maybe are thinking about them and wondering about them, but I have every confidence that during the course of this campaign, people are going to know who will fight for them, who will be there when they need them, and that's the kind of person I am and that's what I will do, not only in a campaign but as president.” PeopleThinkingKnowsNeedsKindPersonsFightingCoursesPresidentWonderConfidenceRaisedCampaigns Author:Hillary Clinton
“It's not dissimilar to what we see with the president of Russia, who uses a minority there, the lesbian, gay, bisexual community ... and he goes after them with great relish because he knows that it's going to resonate with a part of the population.” KnowsUsePresidentCommunityGayPopulationRussiaMinoritiesRelishBisexual Author:Thomas Mulcair
“I don't know anyone who is more admired and respected in the international community than President Karzai, for his strength, for his wisdom and for his courage to lead this country first in the defeat of the Taliban and now in rebuilding a democratic and unified Afghanistan. And I can tell you I am with foreign ministers and with heads of state all over the world. I sit in the councils of NATO. I sit with the EU. I sit with people all over the world and there is great admiration for your president and also for what the Afghan people are doing here.” PeopleKnowsWorldFirstsI CanCountryStatesPresidentCommunityDemocraticDefeatInternationalMinistersAdmirationAfghanistanCouncilTalibanNatoUnifiedInternational CommunityAfghanHead Of State Author:Condoleezza Rice
“[When a John McCain political campaign video that used her image] That wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which means I'm running for President. So thanks for the endorsement white-haired dude, and I want America to know I'm like, totally ready to lead.” KnowsWantMeanRunningAmericaPoliticalUsedGuyPresidentWhiteReadyCampaignsVideoThanksAdsMccainEndorsementsPolitical CampaignCampaign Ads Author:Paris Hilton
“The only argument this president needs to persuade Americans is that sacking Saddam is necessary for the security of America and the West, of civilization as we know it. All those other goals are nice, worthy even, but irrelevant to the job immediately at hand.” KnowsNeedsWarHandsJobsAmericaGoalPresidentNiceSecurityCivilizationArgumentWestWorthyIrrelevantSaddamKnow It AllSacking Author:Wesley Pruden
“A lot of people are talking about defunding planned parenthood, as if that's a huge game changer. I think it's time to do something even more bold. I think the next president ought to invoke the Fifth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the constitution now that we clearly know that that baby inside the mother's womb is a person at the moment of conception.” PeopleIfsThinkingKnowsPersonsMomentsMotherNextGamesPresidentTalkingHugeBabyOughtConstitutionConceptionParenthoodAmendmentsFifthWombInvokePlanned ParenthoodGame ChangersFourteenth Amendment Author:Mike Huckabee
“Killing a bunch of people in Sudan and Yemen and Pakistan, it's like, "Who cares - we don't know them." But the current discussion is framed as "When can the President kill an American citizen?" Now in my mind, killing a non-American citizen without due process is just as criminal as killing an American citizen without due process - but whatever gets us to the table to discuss this thing, we're going to take it.” PeopleKnowsMindCareProcessPresidentCitizensTablesKillingCurrentsDuesCriminalsBunchDiscussionWho CaresPakistanAmerican CitizensFramedSudanDue ProcessYemen Author:Teju Cole
“I know I made plenty of mistakes in my tenure. But one of the things that you learn is to be very careful and to protect yourself down the road a little bit, which is to say you've got to think ahead and think where is the story going to go? What are all the possible outcomes? And how do I protect the president from unexpected twists and turns in the road?” ThinkingKnowsLittlesMadeStoriesTurnsBitsPresidentMistakeProtectLittle BitCarefulPlentyOutcomesUnexpectedTwistsDown The RoadTenureProtect YourselfTwists And TurnsTurns In The Road Author:Dee Dee Myers
“Under Islamic Law, homosexuals - men and women alike - must be killed. Women must be subservient. And people following other religions must be killed. I know that there are many peaceful Muslims who do not adhere to these beliefs. But until these tenants are fully renounced...I cannot advocate any Muslim candidate for President.” PeopleKnowsMenLawBeliefPresidentMen And WomenFollowingPeacefulCandidatesIslamicHomosexualSubservientTenantsIslamic Law Author:Benjamin Carson
“I don't think any man or woman should run for president unless, number one, they know exactly why they would want to be president, and two, they can look at folks out there and say, 'I promise you have my whole heart, my whole soul, my energy, and my passion.” ThinkingKnowsMenWantShouldLooksHeartTwoSoulWholeRunningPassionEnergyPresidentNumbersPromiseFolksMy PassionI Promise Author:Joe Biden
“Remember, it is the president's constitutional duty to provide a strong national defense. Don't insert politics into national security. Listen to your ground commanders. They know better than anyone what our military's needs are. Have somebody strong at home who can provide you with needed support 'off the battle field.'” KnowsNeedsHomeRememberStrongPresidentSupportSecurityMilitaryFieldsDutyNeededBattleDefenseNational SecurityCommandersInsertNational Defense Author:Ryan Zinke
“When you're president, you learn to act like you know what you're talking about. And it's a great skill.” KnowsPresidentTalkingLike YouSkills Author:William J. Clinton
“What you don't hear from these GOP candidates is that they really can't go after this president on domestic production of oil and gas. He's actually done quite a lot. In fact, I would suspect they're environmentalists who are worried that we're doing too much drilling and fracking, in fact. I know that for a fact.” KnowsDoneFactsPresidentToo MuchProductionsOilWorriedCandidatesGasSuspectsEnvironmentalistGopDrillingOil And GasFracking Author:Jared Bernstein
“You essentially have a human-relations database on millions of Americans. The administration said, "Well we're not listening to calls, we don't collect content." As [Vice President] Joe Biden said when he was a United States senator, you don't need to listen to those calls. If you have who somebody called, when and where, and you learned, for example, somebody called a psychiatrist three times in the last few days and twice after midnight, you know a lot about that person that they may not want people to know about them, especially the government.” PeopleIfsKnowsWantNeedsHumansWellsMayPersonsSaidStatesGovernmentLastsThreePresidentUnitedMillionsUnited StatesExampleListeningRelationVicesAdministrationSenatorsMidnightThree TimesPsychiatristHuman RelationsVice PresidentBidenDatabases Author:Ron Wyden
“It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.” KnowsTryingLooksHardPresidentWaterKnow HowEconomyCryHorribleStaringDo You KnowShowersCurtainsStaring At YouShower Curtains Author:Dave Attell
“One of the things that will probably need to be addressed is in the treatment of history, i.e. the Presidential Papers Act. If they can act with impunity, if they know that what they're doing is not going to see the light of day anytime in their lifetime, if they have the right to withhold information from the public, then presidents are given a vastly freer hand.” IfsKnowsNeedsHandsLightGivenPresidentInformationPaperLifetimePresidentialTreatmentPapersImpunity Author:Ted Gup
“President Obama awarded a National Medal of Arts to author Stephen King. You know, because if there's anyone who can relate to the story of a guy trapped in a mansion that's driving him insane, it's Obama.” IfsKnowsArtStoriesGuyPresidentKingsDrivingInsaneRelatePresident ObamaTrappedMedalMansions Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.” PeopleKnowsStatesPresidentUnitedUnited StatesCongress Author:Bob Hope
“It's really important, obviously, for people to realize that it is a very small percentage, only 1 percent of our total economy, of our total budget, and I think that's important for people to know. But I also know that Americans are very generous and that many, many Americans are proud that their taxpayer dollar has saved lives in Africa through the president's malaria initiative or through PEPFAR, the emergency relief plan for AIDS.” PeopleThinkingKnowsImportantPresidentRealizingEconomyPlansProudPercentDollarsAidsSavedBudgetsGenerousReliefInitiativeEmergenciesPercentagesTaxpayersMalaria Author:Laura Bush
“President Obama contends that charges he is "not really an American" have been trumped up by you-know-who.” KnowsHas BeensPresidentPresident Obama Author:Michael R. Burch
“Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.” KnowsRunningPresidentTrumpBirthCertificatesBirth Certificate Author:Jay Leno
“Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.” KnowsRunningPresidentTrumpPublicityInsiders Author:David Letterman