Best sex & my-wife Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“When I get up at five in the morning to go fishing, I wake my wife up and ask, 'What'll it be dear, sex or fishing?' And she says, “Don't forget your waders.'”

Asks Sex Forget Morning Five Wife Dear My Wife Get Up Fishing Forget You

Author:Robert Ruark

“If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.”

Ifs Mean Doe Use Romance Sex Wife My Wife

Author:Bill Cosby

“The sex illusion is not a fixed quantity: not what mathematicians call a constant. It varies from zero in my wife's case to madness in that of our stepsister.”

Sex Cases Wife Illusion Madness Constant My Wife Fixed Zero Quantity Mathematician Vary

Book:The Collected Works of George Bernard Shaw: Plays, Novels, Articles, Lectures, Letters and Essays: Pygmalion, Mrs. Warren’s Profession, Candida, Arms and The Man, Man and Superman, Caesar and Cleopatra, Androcles And The Lion, The New York Times Articles on War, Memories of Oscar Wilde and more

Source: The Collected Works of George Bernard Shaw: Plays, Novels, Articles, Lectures, Letters and Essays: Pygmalion, Mrs. Warren’s Profession, Candida, Arms and The Man, Man and Superman, Caesar and Cleopatra, Androcles And The Lion, The New York Times Articles on War, Memories of Oscar Wilde and more

“My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.”

Life Is Sex Watches Laughing Wife Dog Terrible Bed Mirrors My Wife Likes

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.”

Humor Funny Lasts Purpose Night Sex Wife My Wife Eggs Last Night

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning.”