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Sweet Quotes

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Sweet Quotes

“Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.”

Two Helping Humor Funny Sweet Ten Let Me Teeth Bottles Delicious Candy Sweet Tooth

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.”

Believe Mean Made Enough Humor Funny Universe Sweet Don't Believe Smell Sugar Pie Pumpkin Pumpkin Pie

Book:Nothing's Sacred

Source: Nothing's Sacred

“It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.”

Should Helping Humor Funny Sweet Should Have Trunks Limos

Author:Steve Martin

“I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.”

Heart Bigs Funny Nice Sweet Normal Shy Blonde Nice Day Big Heart

Author:Paris Hilton

“Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.”

Funny Time Sweet Kissing Idle Stolen Idleness

Book:The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

Source: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

“If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.”

Ifs World Funny Sports Perfect Sweet Great Baseball

Author:Yogi Berra

“There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.”

Life Long Funny Lasts Life Is Fun Differences Sweet Inspirational Life Witty Dinner This Life Live Life Meaning Of Life Long Life Metaphors Of Life

Book:My Best Short Stories (Annotated Edition)

Source: My Best Short Stories (Annotated Edition)

“I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.”

Ifs Funny Three Wish Friendship Sweet Succeed Negative Demon Sarcastic Lost Friendship Opportunity Knocks Funny Simpsons Opportunity Knocking Funniest Simpsons Great Simpsons Short And Sweet

Author:Matt Groening

“Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.”

Today Funny Sweet Tasks Accomplish Coffee Corny

Author:Holly Black

“Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.”

Funny Time Our Lives Modern Events Sweet Simplicity Witty Each Day Live By Mars Reminding Anniversary Calendars

Book:A Critic in Pall Mall

Source: A Critic in Pall Mall

“Men are simpler than you imagine my sweet child. But what goes on in the twisted, tortuous minds of women would baffle anyone.”

Men Mind Children Funny Women Imagine Sweet Goes On Hilarious Twisted Baffled Funny Women Twisted Minds Sweet Child

Book:Daphne du Maurier Omnibus 4: Rebecca; My Cousin Rachel

Source: Daphne du Maurier Omnibus 4: Rebecca; My Cousin Rachel

“Those who have never had a father can at any rate never know the sweets of losing one. To most men the death of his father is a new lease of life.”

Knows Men Humor Funny Father Sweet Losing Rate Lease

Book:Notebooks

Source: Notebooks