“I guess I am just not the marrying type. I have given it a few chances, and it just goes haywire after a month or two. I am on wife number five right now, maybe five's a charm?” TwoGivenChanceNumbersFiveWifeTypeMonthsRight NowCharmMarrying Author:Vince Neil
“How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?” PlayFiveWifePoppingTell Your Wife Author:Rafael Benitez
“When I get up at five in the morning to go fishing, I wake my wife up and ask, 'What'll it be dear, sex or fishing?' And she says, “Don't forget your waders.'” AsksSexForgetMorningFiveWifeDearMy WifeGet UpFishingForget You Author:Robert Ruark
“What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives and twenty-six kids -- and he hates Americans for their "excessive" lifestyle.” KnowsKidsHateMillionsFiveWifeSixTwentiesLifestyleBin LadenOsama Bin Laden Author:David Letterman
“Our feelings probably are not less strong at fifty than they were ten or fifteen years before; but they have changed their objects, and dwell on far different prospects. At five-and-thirty a man thinks of what his own existence is; when the maturity of age has grown into its autumn, he is wrapt up in that of others. The loss of wife or child then becomes more deplorable, as being impossible to repair; for no fresh connection can give us back the companion of our earlier years, nor a "new-sprung race" compensate for that, whose career we hoped to see run.” ThinkingMenGivingYearsChildrenDifferentFeelingsRunningAgeStrongLossRaceExistenceCareersFiveWifeImpossibleObjectsChangedTenConnectionsMaturityThirtyFiftyAutumnCompanionFifteenProspectsFifteen YearsSprung Book:Lodore Source: Lodore
“I was a Teletype operator in the army, so that's where I learned to type. One day, I went downstairs to see if I could still type - I hadn't done it for four or five years after the war. So I typed out a page and I showed it to my wife and she said, "Where did you get this?" I said I wrote it. "You wrote this?" It was something very funny. I went and wrote another page, another couple of pages, and by the time I was finished I had 13 little short stories, humorous short stories.” IfsYearsLittlesSaidStillsWarDoneStoriesFiveFourWifeTypeCoupleOne DayPagesHumorousArmyMy WifeFinishedFive YearsIf I CouldShort StoryOperators Author:Carl Reiner
“Twenty-five years now and I still love to watch my wife sleep. I'm fascinated by the way the unconscious self (the deeper self) rises when consciousness falls away and often expresses itself in the face of a sleeper.” WayYearsStillsSelfFacesFallSleepConsciousnessWatchesFiveWifeTwentiesDeeperMy WifeFive YearsUnconsciousFascinatedTwenty FiveSleepers Author:David Bottoms
“My wife has told me since that I was hungover every mornng until about two in the afternoon, and from five until midnight I was drunk out of my mind. So she says there was this period of about three hours when she could talk to me like a rational human being.” MindHumansTwoThreeHoursHuman BeingsFiveWifePeriodsMy WifeRationalDrunkAfternoonMidnightTalk To MeOf My Mind Author:Stephen King
“Sex suppressed will go berserk, But it keeps us all alive. It's a wonderful change from wives and work And it ends at half past five.” EndsPastSexHalfFiveAliveWifeWonderfulBerserk Author:Gavin Ewart
“a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job! And five nose running brats in love with Batman” RunningJobsFiveWifeFatsNosesUnhappinessPotatoesBrat Book:The Happy Birthday of Death Source: The Happy Birthday of Death
“Every day we learn more and more about this wacky Osama bin Laden. He lives in a cave and at one time he was a womanizer. But now he has settled down with his five wives and 26 kids, so that's now all over. ... He also had a drinking problem at one time. I believe he went through 'Jihab'” BelieveProblemKidsI BelieveFiveWifeDrinkingOne TimeCavesBin LadenOsama Bin LadenWackyWomanizerDrinking Problem Author:David Letterman
“We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.” ThinkingNightFatherWaitingFiveWifeMinutesMarriedRootsClintonIntenseBin LadenOsama Bin LadenLearning More Author:David Letterman
“What's the difference between sex and love? I have four wives and five kids. I apparently don't know the difference.” KnowsKidsSexDifferencesFiveFourWifeAnd LoveSex And Love Author:James Caan
“I could go out to five parties a day if I wanted to. I don't. I have attachments to my wife and kids - and about 20 pieces of art.” IfsArtKidsWantedPartyFivePiecesWifeMy WifeAttachmentMy Wife And Kids Author:Aby Rosen
“I suppose I'm not quite the oldest detective on the block - David Jason is. When's he going to retire and give rest of us a chance?! No, his Touch Of Frost is terrific and a wonderful antidote to the po-faced detective shows around at the moment. Anyway, I can't retire. I have a wife and five chickens to feed.” GivingI CanMomentsShowsChanceFiveWifeWonderfulBlockChickensRetiringTerrificAntidoteDetectivesFrostJason Author:John Nettles
“On my days off I pick up our chicken's eggs. My wife and I have five chickens called The Spice Girls. Five lovely chicks. And no, we won't be eating any of them for Christmas dinner.” GirlFiveWifeEatingPicksDinnerMy WifeLovelyEggsChickensSpicesChicksDays OffSpice GirlsChristmas Dinner Author:John Nettles
“When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.” IfsThinkingPersonsLightEarthWaterHurtFireFiveWifeSkyWindDrinkGardenStonesThirdsMy WifeTeaSandCandleThird TimeIced Tea Author:Red Skelton
“After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.” IfsWantYearsWellsSaidFiveWifeHappenedBabySixMarriedTwentiesFive YearsAgreementRoughNutsDivorcedGiverTwenty FiveCement Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?” WantMadeFiveWifeMinutesHonorPleaseLiarsFive MinutesYour Honor Author:Christopher Titus