“When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would have me about the house all day 'wearing a dressing gown, brewing tea and stumped for words'.” WantedFatherHouseWifeTeaUnfortunateDressingsGownsBrewing Book:Murderers and Other Friends: Another Part of Life Source: Murderers and Other Friends: Another Part of Life
“My wife and I are like twins and that is a great and a terrible thing for a marriage. It makes for the most comfortable thing in the world to be truly known and loved, but also makes for a lot of conflict and that's how we roll in my house.” WorldHouseKnownWifeTerribleConflictComfortableMy WifeTwinsTerrible Things Author:Mark Duplass
“I was always hurting to some extent, but never really cared about it. Now, I do care, because I have a reason to be healthy. I want to be able to chase my son around the yard; I want to be able to chase my wife around the house.” WantReasonCareAbleHouseHurtWifeSonHealthyMy WifeMy SonYardsI Do Care Author:Shawn Michaels
“If you ask my wife, the biggest fault is my inability around the house. She says the only thing handy about me is that I'm close by. And, I have a terrible memory. I'm bad at saying no. I often double-book. There are a lot of things.” IfsBookAsksHouseMemoriesWifeTerribleFaultsMy WifeInabilitySaying NoHandy Author:Hugh Jackman
“My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.” KnowsBigsHouseCan DoKnow HowWifeDaughterMy WifeMy DaughterAccentsBeing Funny Author:Jerry Seinfeld
“You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.” IfsHouseBreakWifeMinutesShotsMy WifeThirty Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.” PeopleWantKindHardUsedHouseWifeCarKeysIllDrivenBuyingCar Rental Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.” KnowsIdeasKidsJobsUsedHouseLostWifeCarDrugBeatsSorryHonestlyAssLaughedGreat TimesVery PopularHad A Great Time Author:Bill Hicks
“It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.” MovingHouseStuffWifeWeekMy FriendsMovedBoxesMy WifeHeyPacksTruckHaulHey YouDrivewayU Haul Author:Bill Engvall
“Normal people, fear the day their parents die. Screwed up people, fear that their parents are going to live forever. Showing up at your house at weird hours of the night, smelling all funny, with a bunch of their friends. Hey boy, this is Harold, Cecil and Dicky. Dicky lost his wife about a year ago. I hear Erin made cookies. Where can I put my shoes ? If that doesn't scare you, you're not human.” PeopleIfsYearsHumansMadeNightDiesHouseLostParentHoursBoysForeverWifeNormalYears AgoShoesBunchHeyScareCookiesLive ForeverShowing UpScrewed UpErin Author:Christopher Titus
“Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.” KidsHouseWifeMembersVideoHillsNeighborhoodLos AngelesHanging OutGangWaterfallsGang MembersCypressesSketchy Author:Al Madrigal
“I've always wanted to have the ability to do what I want to do. And there are so many things that I want to do because I love acting, I love directing, I love producing, I love being a mother, I love being a wife. If I had to choose one, just would put me in the crazy house.” IfsWantWantedMotherHouseAbilityLove IsActingWifeCrazyBeing A MotherI Love Being A Mother Author:Jada Pinkett Smith
“I'm living the dream. I've got a big tour bus, an incredible band, a big house, and a family that are all taken care of through my music. I've got a beautiful wife and three beautiful kids.” DreamBigsCareKidsBeautifulThreeHouseTakenWifeBandIncrediblesBusBig HousesLiving The DreamBeautiful Wife Author:Aaron Watson
“My wife's brother has a little house on a small island in the Baltic Sea, and we go there at Christmas. The 30-minute crossing from the mainland to this island is the most terrifying cruise you'll ever take. They give you a barf bag when you walk on board.” GivingLittlesHouseWalksWifeSeaMinutesBrotherMy WifeBoardsIslandsBagsCrossingsCruise Author:Nick Frost