“My sons and I thoroughly enjoy Legos. We go to the toy store every week for more. I never want to take what we build apart; I want to put it on a shelf. My wife is starting to get a little annoyed with the Legos lying around.” WantLittlesLyingEnjoyWifeWeekSonStartingMy WifeStoresMy SonToysShelvesAnnoyedLegos Author:Mark Wahlberg
“Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.” GodWifeMachinesStupidityStoresDirtyWashingKentuckyAppliancesWashing MachinesDirty Work Author:Dave Barry
“Reformers have long observed city people loitering on busy corners, hanging around in candy stores and bars and drinking soda popon stoops, and have passed a judgment, the gist of which is: "This is deplorable! If these people had decent homes and a more private or bosky outdoor place, they wouldn't be on the street!" That judgment represents a profound misunderstanding of cities. It makes no more sense than to drop in at a testimonial banquet in a hotel and conclude that if these people had wives who could cook, they would give their parties at home.” PeopleIfsGivingLongHomePartyCitiesWifeStreetsJudgmentDrinkingProfoundBusyCornersStoresBarsCooksDecentHotelCandyMisunderstandingCity LifeReformersStoopsSodaBanquetsHanging AroundStreet LifeGistTestimonialCandy Stores Book:The Death and Life of Great American Cities Source: The Death and Life of Great American Cities
“Every morning I'd have coffee with my wife and we would discuss ideas. Sixty percent of what I did for the stores was concepts. The other forty percent was correcting and cleaning up other concepts in house, or doing final art on my concepts. Most of my concepts were so finished they could turn them over to somebody else.” ArtIdeasTurnsHouseMorningWifePercentConceptsFinalsMy WifeFinishedStoresCoffeeFortySixtyEvery MorningCleaningCorrectingCleaning Up Author:Mike Royer
“My wife says, and I agree with her, that what would be really great for Maine would be to legalize dope completely and set up dope stores the way that there are state-run liquor stores. You could get your Acapulco gold or your whatever it happened to be - your Augusta gold or your Bangor gold. And people would come from all the other states to buy it, and there could be a state tax on it. Then everybody in Maine could have a Cadillac.” PeopleWayStatesWould BeRunningWifeHappenedTaxesGoldAgreeMy WifeStoresReally GreatLiquorDopeMaineCadillacsAugustaLiquor StoresAcapulco Book:Bare bones: conversations on terror with Stephen King Source: Bare bones: conversations on terror with Stephen King
“My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."” SaidHumorFunnyGuyWifeCarMy WifeStoresPlatesLicenseHeadingsLicense Plate Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!” KnowsTryingLooksRealStuffWifeTasteLet MeMy WifeStoresHelpfulGroceriesBeansGrocery StoresSoyTurds Author:Bill Engvall
“Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!” PeopleWantSoulWhiteRacePiecesWifeEarsStoresParksRacistOver YouTwelvePacksJuiceYou AgainGreat SoulsToothpasteIndianapolisInbredsDaytonaWife Beating Author:Carlos Mencia