“Yeah we're not together anymore. She has got - she has got a new boyfriend now. They just moved into together. And I've heard rumors that he is abusive, which makes you want to go over there with a baseball bat. And then blame it on her boyfriend.” WantTogetherHeardBaseballYeahBlameMovedBatsRumorAbusiveNew Boyfriend Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She's a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I learned a long time ago that if you're going to tell a story about your retarded sister, you need to mention she's retarded right off the bat or inevitably, at the end of the story, someone will say, What... is she, retarded? And then you have to go, Uh... yeah, she is. Followed by a lengthy, awkward silence.” IfsWayNeedsLongEndsStoriesBornSilenceHonestGoodnessLong TimeHundredYeahBoardsMy SisterCentsAwkwardBatsLong Time AgoRetardedRetardLengthy Author:Bonnie McFarlane
“Oh yeah brother I was right they started in with that mormon vudo right off the bat as soon as we walked in everybody was friendly. One of them who later became known to my family as the amazing Mr. Plastic Man even told me that he loved us. Please there are times I don't even like us how could you possibly love us. I was thinking spend some time with me pal and I'll cure you of that.” ThinkingMenKnownBrotherPleaseMy FamilyYeahCuresFriendlyPlasticBatsPals Author:Glenn Beck
“Yeah, size is no guarantee of power,” said George. “Look at Ginny.” “What d’you mean?” said Harry. “You’ve never been on the receiving end of one of her Bat-Bogey Hexes, have you?” LooksMeanSaidEndsYeahSizeGuaranteesReceivingBatsWeasleyFred WeasleyFred And GeorgeGeorge WeasleyGinny Weasley Author:J. K. Rowling
“You planning top kill me with a Wiffle bat?" [Carson asked] "Yeah." "Why?" he asked. The bat was shaking in my tight grip. "Because I don't have my Minnie Mouse pillow.” YeahPlanningBatsMiceKill MeShakingPillowMinnieMinnie Mouse Author:Rachel Vail
“I smashed his hand as hard as I could with the Wiffle bat. "Ow!" he screamed. Carson was rubbing his red palm, inspecting it for damage. "That hurt," he shrieked. "You really hurt me." "Right back at you," I said. "Good-bye Carson." He frowned, massaging his hand, the big baby. "I just wanted to end this nicely." "Yeah?" I cocked the bat up to hit him again. "Well, this time you don't get what you want.” WantWellsSaidEndsHardHandsBigsWantedHurtBabyRedYeahWhat You WantDamageBatsPalmsByeHurt MeGood Bye Author:Rachel Vail
“Your Great-Aunt Muriel doesn't agree, I just met her upstairs while she was giving Fleur the tiara. "She said 'Oh dear, is this the muggle born?' and then, 'Bad posture, skinny ankles.'" Don't take it personally, she's rude to everyone," said Ron. "Talking about Muriel?" inquired George, reemerging from the marquee with Fred. "Yeah, she's just told me my ears are lopsided. Old bat.” GivingSaidBornTalkingMetsEarsAgreeYeahDearBatsRudeAuntSkinnyPostureAnklesUpstairsMugglesTiarasMarqueeGreat Aunt Author:J. K. Rowling
“I would think I drive most hitting coaches crazy. During one single at-bat I used six different stances on six pitches. Oh yeah, I also struck out. So what do I know?” ThinkingKnowsDifferentUsedCrazySixBaseballYeahCoachesHittingBatsStance Author:John Kruk