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Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler Quotes

Comedian

Chelsea Handler, born on February 25, 1975, is a renowned American comedian, writer, and television host. Known for her unique sense of humor and candid remarks, she has hosted several popular television shows and achieved significant success in the comedy industry.

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Famous Chelsea Handler Quotes

“Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.”

Ifs Years Firsts Humor Funny Ready Baby Months Six Work Out Tattoo Six Months Having A Baby

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?”

People Bigs Baby Minivans

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.”

Years Five Baby Commitment Five Years Having A Baby

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.”

People Ifs Three Gone Figures Baby Pregnancy

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.”

Stills Baby Highest Rate Secure Teens Housekeeping

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?”

Ifs Thinking Giving Guy Baby Drink Planning Pregnant Adoption

Author:Chelsea Handler

“No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.”

Has Beens Said Home Baby Going Away Parenthood Planned Parenthood

Author:Chelsea Handler

“For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.”

Looks Has Beens Might Happens Baby Months Pregnant Rumor

Author:Chelsea Handler

“Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. I’m in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can’t get up right away.”

Source: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.”

One Thing Baby Thanks Paris Serving Host Pregnant Showers Forbidden Mercury Sushi Pregnant Women Nicole

Author:Chelsea Handler

About the Author

Born: February 25, 1975
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 287

Related Topics

Humor People Funny Ifs Thinking Want Knows Guy Men Shows Kind Drink Firsts Needs Comedy Giving Should Way Years Baby

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night StandsRelated source material

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, ChelseaRelated source material

Life Will Be the Death of Me: . . . and you too!Related source material

My Horizontal LifeRelated source material

Are you there Vodka? It's me, ChelseaRelated source material

Chelsea Chelsea Bang BangRelated source material

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