Quotessence
Home / Authors / Mary Gaitskill Biography
Mary Gaitskill

Mary Gaitskill Biography

Author

Related Quotes

“I think the closest thing I can come to defining what that vital thing is for me - is that there's a sort of soul-quality in writing, if it's any good. It has a spirit or an energy to it that is very integral to who the writer is on a deep level. It's almost a cellular thing. It takes place in the cells of the writing, and it is what makes it alive or not.”

IfsThinkingWritingI CanSoulSpiritEnergyLevelsQualityAliveCellsClosestDefiningCellular
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“Death is a big theme in the book, illness. What is that? It's a fact that human beings - no matter who they are, no matter how healthy or strong or beautiful they are - are going to age and become weak and ugly by a certain standard, and die. And I think that's a terrifying idea for people to get their minds around.”

PeopleThinkingMindHumansBookIdeasMatterFactsBigsAgeBeautifulCertainDiesStrongHuman BeingsHealthyStandardsWeakIllnessUglyTheme
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“When I was a kid, I did want to be a boy. I didn't like to play with dolls, and most of my friends were kind of sensitive, sissy boys. But as I got older, the mystique of being a girl began to interest me. It was confusing what sexuality was, and the responses of other people, but it didn't make me feel terrified or vulnerable.”

PeopleWantFeelsKindPlayKidsGirlInterestBoysMy FriendsResponseSexualityVulnerableSensitiveTerrifiedConfusingDollsMystiqueSissyBeing A Girl
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“People tend to set themselves up in patterns; something happens, it hurts them, then something similar happens, and - it's happened again! It seems much bigger then, and they get worried and go through life looking for that thing, and because they're so concerned and looking for it, when anything that happens resembles that thing, they're sure it's happening again. So sometimes people think things are repeating even when they're not.”

PeopleThinkingSometimesSeemsHappensHurtHappenedHappeningsConcernedBiggerPatternsThings HappenWorriedIt HurtsHappening Again
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“The best definition I've heard is that guilt is about what you've done, shame is about who you are. If something's out of my control, I don't feel shame about it, because what could I have done? If you're guilty, you can at least try to atone for it or make it better or not do it again. If it's who you are, you can't do much about it except change yourself, and that's pretty hard.”

IfsFeelsTryingHardDoneHeardShameWho You AreGuiltDefinitionsGuiltyChange Yourself
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“It was like everything that supported the relationship was coming from the outside. Judging by all the signs, we were a perfectly successful couple and John was an ideal husband for me - rich, blond, tall, sensitive, ad nauseam. But even worse, it seemed as if our most intimate conversations were based on what we were supposed to be saying, and what we were supposed to be. Nothing seemed to come directly from us.”

IfsSuccessfulRichJudgingCoupleHusbandConversationIdealsSupposed To BeSensitiveIntimateTallAdsIdeal HusbandIntimate Conversation
Book:Bad Behavior: Stories
Create image

“That's why every society on the planet has very definite rules, ideas about how sex should be regulated, how sex should be expressed, what's okay, what's not okay. And I guess we do live in a place, and have for a long time, where there's more openness and there's more willingness to tolerate different kinds of behavior, but with that comes people creating other rules and other kinds of controls. It's always going to be a question of what's acceptable and what isn't and what's the danger point and what rouses people's contempt and what people are allowed to get away with.”

PeopleKindLongDifferentDangerBehaviorOkayGet AwayWillingnessOpennessContemptDifferent KindsTolerateNot Okay
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“I think, over the course of one's lifetime, there are always certain core elements that are intriguing to you, and you take different looks as you get older, but it's something you keep coming back to. I've always been interested in the relationship between vulnerability and control. That's something that's a big thing for people, whoever they are, no matter how old you are. I think at different times, you're more aware than others.”

PeopleThinkingDifferentLifetimeVulnerabilityIntriguing
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“I think, as we go through life, we can sometimes, while still staying essentially true to ourselves, pick up mannerisms or modes of expression that are like curlicues. And there was a lot of that that I recognized sometimes. And I remembered, sometimes dimly, why those phrases felt so tasty to me, why that particular curl felt so good to me. But from my point of view now, it was almost inaccurate. It changed the meaning of what I was saying in a way that it seemed like a distortion.”

ThinkingSometimesChangedPoint Of View
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“When my first book came out, it was very disorienting. My health went south. I didn't know how to relate to people. I thought, "Now I have this way to be in the world that's going to be wonderful. It'll be like driving a great car, really streamlined." But it actually was difficult because, if you have a public persona, something you don't fully have control over, it's more like being in a car with controls you don't really understand.”

PeopleWorldBookDifficultWonderfulCarDrivingOver ItPersona
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“People still think that a woman who doesn't have children or doesn't want children is really lacking in something. I've seen this over and over again in my life. I've had this thinking used against me repeatedly. I remember I had a therapist once, and I brought this up, and she said, "Well, I think women who don't have children feel very self-critical. They feel bad, so they think other people are critical in that way."”

PeopleThinkingChildrenRemember
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“Writing is.... being able to take something whole and fiercely alive that exists inside you in some unknowable combination of thought, feeling, physicality, and spirit, and to then store it like a genie in tense, tiny black symbols on a calm white page. If the wrong reader comes across the words, they will remain just words. But for the right readers, your vision blooms off the page and is absorbed into their minds like smoke, where it will re-form, whole and alive, fully adapted to its new environment.”

IfsWritingMindWholeFeelingsAbleFormSpiritBlackWhiteVisionEnvironmentAliveReaderPagesCalmStoresTinySymbolsSmokeCombinationTenseAdaptedPhysicalityGeniesNew Environment
Author:Mary Gaitskill
Create image

“When he held her that way, she felt so happy that it disturbed her. After he left, it would take her hours to fall asleep, and then when she woke up she would feel another onrush of agitated happiness, which was a lot like panic. She wished she could grab the happiness and mash it into a ball and hoard it and gloat over it, but she couldn't. It just ran around all over the place, disrupting everything.”

WayFeelsFallLeftFeltHoursBallsRanOver ItPanicDisturbed
Book:Because They Wanted To: Stories
Create image