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Mike Birbiglia

Mike Birbiglia Quotes

Comedian

Mike Birbiglia, born on June 20, 1978, is an American comedian known for his self-deprecating and humorous style. He often finds humor in personal stories and everyday occurrences. Birbiglia gained prominence in the comedy world through his personal narratives and monologue comedy, winning the hearts of audiences with his unique approach.

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All Funny Humor People Comedy Thinking Want Knows Kind Writing Feels

Famous Mike Birbiglia Quotes

“When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it.”

Knows Want Feels Facts Humor Funny Like You Shining Clubs Selfish Shine On

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“I'm a compulsive everything.”

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.”

Knows Humor Funny Strong Bears Who You Are

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short.”

Fun Brain Disease Lists Fixed

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.”

People Night Perfect Plans Saturday Saturday Night

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.”

Needs Humor Funny Comedy Math Funny Relationship

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“My friends drink everywhere. They even drink at the laundromat. I tried drinking at the laundromat, and I thought I was in a submarine, navigating the Sea of White Panties with my Spanish-speaking crew. I was like, "Mrs. Sanchez, set the coordinates to Permanent Press! Give me some quarters and another drink! This place is starting to look like a laundromat."”

Giving Looks Humor Funny White Sea Drink My Friends Give Me Presses Drinking Starting Permanent Quarters Crew Submarines Coordinates Panties Laundromats

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.”

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“I didn't realize how good I was with computers until I met my parents.”

Parent Realizing Mets Computer

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.”

Tvs Keys Healthy Eating Eating Healthy Tv Commercial

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?”

Knows Doe Rhyme Sharks

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream”

Fall Love Is Eating Falling In Love Ice Cream Ice Cream Pizza Transcendent

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool because jazz is cool, but sometimes jazz sucks ... Maybe I'm the Kenny G of comedy.”

Feels Kind Sometimes Humor Funny Laughing Comedy Jokes Jazz Kenny

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'”

Use Humor Funny Together Lasts Guy Week Minutes Like You Calling Mad Credit Cards Finance Cash Credit Card Wallets

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.”

Whole Pizza Reception Whole Family Ploy

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health.”

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.”

Sex Shirts Pizza Funny Relationship

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!”

Kids Funny Nice Pants Valentine Valentine's Day Funny Valentines Day

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.”

Comedy One Thing Reluctant

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.”

Way Should Writing Humor Funny Comedy Bad Things Illiterate

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.”

Thinking Littles Used Girl Mets Unstable Every Girl

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.”

Born Style Genuine Nervousness

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself.”

People Ifs Jokes Comedian Forks Fork In The Road

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.”

Feels Ultimate Divorce Rejection

Author:Mike Birbiglia

About the Author

Born: June 20, 1978
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 124

Related Topics

Funny Humor People Comedy Thinking Want Knows Kind Writing Feels

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True StoriesRelated source material

The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant DadRelated source material

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