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Roy Blount, Jr.

Roy Blount, Jr. Books

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“A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but a cat's eyes don't even look entirely warm-blooded to me, whereas a dog's eyes look human except less guarded. A dog will look at you as if to say, "What do you want me to do for you? I'll do anything for you." Whether a dog can in fact, do anything for you if you don't have sheep (I never have) is another matter. The dog is willing.”

IfsWantHumansLooksMatterFactsEyeDogWillingCatWarmContactWant MeSheepYou Want MeGuardedEye ContactDo You Want Me
Author:Roy Blount, Jr.
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“Any given generation gives the next generation advice that the given generation should have been given by the previous generation but now it's too late.”

GivingShouldHas BeensNextGivenGenerationsAdviceLateShould HaveToo LateNext GenerationShould Have BeenPrevious Generations
Book:Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory
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“Usage ain't always a matter of ought.”

MatterOughtUsage
Book:Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory
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“People don't necessarily want or need to be done unto as you would have them do unto you. They want to be done unto as they want to be done unto.”

PeopleWantNeedsDone
Book:Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory
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“That's American English for you: more roots than a mangrove swamp.”

RootsSwampsAmerican English
Book:Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory
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“Twiddle-twiddle away at my softly clicky keyboard for a while, making twiddly adjustments all along- and then print what I have twiddled. Glare at the printout and snarl and curse and scribble almost illegibly all over it with a ballpoint pen. Go back to the machine and enter the scribbles. Repeat this procedure until I hate the very meaning of every word I know.”

KnowsHateMachinesI HateCurseRepeatsOver ItPrintPensProceduresAdjustmentKeyboardsGlareVery MeanScribblesBallpoint Pens
Author:Roy Blount, Jr.
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“English is an outrageous tangle of those derivations and other multifarious linguistic influences, from Yiddish to Shoshone, which has grown up around a gnarly core of chewy, clangorous yawps derived from ancestors who painted themselves blue to frighten their enemies.”

EnemyInfluenceBlueCoreAncestorOutrageousYiddishGnarly
Book:Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory
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“I am open to the accusation that I see compost as an end it itself. But we do grow some real red damn tomatoes such as you can't get in the stores. And potatoes, beans, lettuce, collards, onions, squash, cauliflower, eggplant, carrots, peppers. Dirt in you own backyard, producing things you eat. Makes you wonder.”

RealEndsEarthGrowsWonderRedStoresDamnDirtPotatoesBeansAccusationBackyardsOnionsTomatoesCarrotsPeppersSquashLettuceCompostCauliflowerEggplant
Author:Roy Blount, Jr.
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“I do not know what the cat can have eaten. Usually I know exactly what the cat has eaten. Not only have I fed it to the cat, at the cat's insistence, but the cat has thrown it up on the rug, and someone has tracked it all over onto the other rug. I do not know why cats are such habitual vomiters. They do not seem to enjoy it, judging by the sounds they make while they are doing it. It's their nature. A dog is going to bark. A cat is going to vomit.”

KnowsSeemsEnjoySoundNatureDogJudgingCatThrownFedsBarkHabitualInsistence
Author:Roy Blount, Jr.
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