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Quote by Emo Philips

“My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.”

Quote by Emo Philips

Author

Emo Philips, born on February 7, 1956, is a versatile entertainer known for his contributions to music, performance, and comedy. His unique style and humor have won him the affection of a wide audience. more

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“I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.”

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“You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.”

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“Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.”

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“Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”

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“At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.”

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“I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.”

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“Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.”

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“I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.”

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“I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.”

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“I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.”

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