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Quote by Jackie Mason

“I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!”

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Jackie Mason is a renowned comedian known for his unique humor style and sharp wit. Born on June 9, 1931, he has been a prominent figure in the comedy world since the 1950s. more

“They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.”

Thinking Way Said I Can Hard Used Guy Games Talking Watches Player Fields Objects Football Psychiatrist Other Guys Bash Talking About Me

Author:Jackie Mason

“When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!”

People Knows Hands Know How Saws Return Europe Let Me Jew Entertainment Tales Etc Cake Shopping Site Austria

Author:Jackie Mason

“While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.”

People Knows Facts Christian Practice Balls Christian Faith Kosher Salami

Author:Jackie Mason

“I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.”

People Ifs World Should Facts Would Be Values Crazy Violent Peaceful Non Violent Jewish Values

Author:Jackie Mason

“Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.”

Knows Land Entitled Jerusalem

Author:Jackie Mason

“It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!”

Want Shows Easy Differences Pieces Drink Jew Cake Gentiles

Author:Jackie Mason

“I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.”

Writing Night Talking Audience Jokes Ill Jew Excited Likes Every Night

Author:Jackie Mason

“Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.”

World Home Car Clothes Jew Dressers

Author:Jackie Mason

“I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!”

Giving Writing Said Stills War Whole Lasts Suffering Five Crazy Minutes Gun Give Me Army Shock Wounded Five Minutes Wipe Psychiatrist

Author:Jackie Mason

Quote by Jackie Mason

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