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Father Quotes

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Father Quotes

“I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”

Years Funny Father Comedy Dad My Dad Finished Jealousy Grades Jealous Graduation Hilarious Fifth Funny Graduation Jealousy Envy Fifth Grade Love Jealousy Love And Jealousy

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”

Knows Said Humor Funny Mother Father Birth Easier Hundred Dollars Father Son

Author:Rita Rudner

“My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.”

Way Humor School Funny Father Morning Feet Shoes Snow Clock Every Morning

Author:Bill Cosby

“Unfortunately, once I did learn to smoke, I couldn't stop. I escalated to two packs a day very quickly, and stayed that way for about ten years. When I decided to stop, I adopted the method that my father had used when he quit. He would carry a cigarette in his shirt pocket, and every time he felt like smoking, he would pull out the cigarette and confront it: "Who stronger? You? Me?" Always the answer was the same: "I stronger." Back the cigarette would go, until the next craving. It worked for him, and it worked for me.”

Way Years Two Funny Used Next Father Felt Answers Ten Decided Stronger Method Quitting Smoke Shirts Smoking Pockets Cigarette Packs Adopted Craving Cigar

Author:Kirk Douglas

“Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.”

Looks Funny America Guy Father Team Uniforms Olympics Founding Our Founding Fathers London Olympics

Author:David Letterman

“My knees on the ground, dear father, don't let me break, please make me stronger.”

Funny Father Break Please Let Me Stronger Dear Knees

Author:Rihanna

“"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."”

Ifs Wells Said Would Be Funny Mother Father Boys Son Humorous Aunt Well Said

Book:The Works of Charles Dickens

Source: The Works of Charles Dickens

“Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.”

Play Funny Purpose Father Written Son Humorous Available Farmers Hints Forks Norfolk

Book:The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

Source: The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous