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“I was a bartender in New York and I overheard this girl saying she made $3000 doing a commercial. A kid at work told me, 'Hey, I know this director and he'd really like you!'. So I walked into this guy's office and was like 'I was thinking maybe I could make $3000' and he hired me for commercials, short films, like 15 jobs in a row.”

“I think I fully commit myself to any role to the extent to which I can. In other words there's some roles that maybe it's just not there, in other words on the page. You know, I mean your job is you need to play the governor and that's what you do. I mean I'm not going to stay up all night if I'm playing a functional role. And I've played a couple of functional roles. And so I'm not going to do anything other, look he's a functional guy. He says hey mister, you forgot your hat.”

“Jack [Kirby] and Joe [Simon] wrote and drew the stories themselves in the beginning and I was just, like, the office boy. But after a while they had more writing than they could handle and I was the only guy around, so they said, "Hey Stan, you think you can write this?" When you're seventeen years old, what do you know? I said, "Sure, I can do it!" And that was it.”

“One of the reasons I'm lucky is to be around an owner like Jerry Jones. I'm not just saying it. The reality of it is the guy wants to win. As a quarterback, you need ownership and people in the front office and organization to help you win. If you don't get that help, you're always going to be fighting an uphill battle. You feel that, being a part of this organization with Jerry, that he's going to bring in people and sign people and want to improve this football team every year. It allows you to feel like, hey, we have a chance and I have a chance to do some special things around here.”

“You know what happens to guys? There's what I call the individual time of their career, and the team time of their career. This is the team time. You don't care about all the other stuff. You just want to live in one place, and watch your kids grow up and go to the same school. You say, 'Hey, maybe I'd better play well and be a good enough guy that they keep me.'”

“I was 13 or 14 and I met Donald Trump at a bar mitzvah of a good friend of ours, who's friends with him. He had his girlfriend at the time with him, that Melania with him. He said, 'Hey guys, if you work hard and be successful, you'll get one of these.' I'll never forget that. And now he's married to her.”

“I don't do my show for critics. Early on I did, because I'm a nice guy and I like to be liked by everybody, and I thought, "Hey, I'm just making people laugh, what's the big deal?" There have been all different types of comics that appeal to all different types of people. Why rail on me? But yeah, they really don't like Southern acts.”

“The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can be when they realize that wives can't be forced to testify against their husbands. Skilling said today she was the best secretary Enron had ever had. She could shred 950 words a minute. ... I guess they are on their honeymoon right now. That's going pretty well. Hey, he's used to screwing Enron employees.”

“That happened when I was a freshman in high school. The guy reading it [the Bible] was dating my older sister. I thought he was the cutest thing that had ever happened in Nashville. He was nine years older than me and I thought, 'Mimi, I hate to do this to you, but I'm going to steal this guy away.' So I went to this Bible study thinking I was going to make this guy fall in love with me. I was fourteen. Hey, you know. But I was so overwhelmed by what they were talking about at this Bible study. I became a very serious, committed Christian.”

“One time we were having dinner and some guy came by and took a potato off of Frank Sinatra's plate. And Frank said, “Hey pal, are you hungry?” The guy says, “yeah.” Frank said, “Sit down.” And he gave him his dinner. I thought for sure there was gonna be trouble from the guys surrounding Frank, but Frank says, “Jeez, relax, the man's hungry.””

“I never want to be told, "Hey, this is what you do best, and this is the only thing you're going to do." And there are other people that are put into that box. Or unable to navigate through all the different genres. Some people insist on being a tough guy even though it's not happening. People only want to see them in leading romantic roles. Yet they continue to try and force something that doesn't feel organic to people.”