“The (Supreme Court) ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus.” KnowsFeelsBigsGovernmentGuyLibertyFiveFourWillingDecidedVoteCourtSupremeScholarSupreme CourtRulingArrestedBig GovernmentPersonal LibertyAnus Author:Jon Stewart
“Who wouldn't want to vote for a guy who was a peaceful, radical, non-violent revolutionary; who hung around with lepers, hookers, and crooks; who never spoke English; was not an American citizen; anti-capitalism; totally anti-death penalty; anti-public prayer (Matthew 6:5); but never once anti-gay; didn't mention abortion; and was a long-haired, brown-skinned, homeless, middle-eastern, Jew?” WantLongGuyPrayerMiddleCitizensGayCapitalismVoteJewViolentPeacefulRadicalRevolutionaryAbortionBrownSpokesHungPenaltiesHomelessEasternDeath PenaltyAmerican CitizensMatthewCrooksNon ViolentLeperAnti Gay Author:John Fugelsang
“Well, the American public always wanted to vote for a guy and Bush was the perfect guy who they'd want to have over for pot-roast. And George Bush is that guy. He does that well. You'd like to have him over for pot-roast. He reminds you of yourself. Okay. Well, now he's been over, he's had the pot-roast. But he's getting drunk and now he's talking about stem cells and Terri Schiavo and gay marriage. And now he's the guest that won't leave.” WantWellsDoeWantedGuyPerfectTalkingGayOkayVoteDrunkCellsPotGuestsStemGay MarriageThat GuyStem CellGetting DrunkPerfect Guy Author:Bill Maher
“Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse.” MenYearsGuyMillionsVoteAccidentsRussiaBoatMysteriousPutinWarehouse Author:Conan O'Brien
“I grew up in the military. I've lived that life. I know that our soldiers are out there fighting for our right to vote, and they're out there fighting for other countries' rights to vote... Guys have been dying for it, and we have to go out and exercise it.” KnowsHas BeensCountryGuyFightingRightsDyingMilitaryGrewExerciseGrew UpVoteSoldierOther CountriesRight To Vote Author:Robert Griffin III
“What can government do? They can listen to their own people. But I'll tell you what citizens can do, when we elect one of these people - whether we think it's a good guy or a bozo - you got to stay on the case. You don't vote and go home and give them the keys to the car, he'll drive you right off a cliff. You have to help people to stay honest.” PeopleThinkingGivingHelpingHomeGovernmentGuyCan DoCasesHonestCarKeysCitizensVoteCliffsGood Guy Author:Buffy Sainte-Marie
“For the first time in our history, the winners of the White House Turkey Pardon were chosen through a highly competitive online vote. And once again, Nate Silver completely nailed it. The guy is amazing.” FirstsGuyHousePoliticsNatureLeadershipWhiteHistoryDemocracyComedyGenerationsPolicyFirst TimeVoteIndividualityChosenIdeologyWinnerVotingSilverOnlineWhite HouseTurkeysFarmingPardon Author:Barack Obama
“Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?” ThinkingGivingGuyPresidentAdviceVoteVicesFormerAlsGoreDeanVice President Author:David Letterman