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He Man Quotes

Browse 4328 quotes about He Man.

He Man Quotes

“Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?”

Men Humor Funny Money He Man Brokers

Author:George Carlin

“The men liked to put me down as the best woman painter. I think I'm one of the best painters.”

Thinking Men Funny Women He Man Men And Women Painter Famous Artist Funny Women Downgrading

Author:Georgia O'Keeffe

“Olympic officials have disqualified a champion race walker after determining that he was doping. They disqualified him. The man said getting caught doping is almost as embarrassing as getting caught being a champion race walker.”

Men Said Funny Race He Man Caught Champion Officials Olympics Embarrassing Walkers London Olympics Doping

Author:Conan O'Brien

“I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."”

Men Kind Humor Funny Behinds Boys He Man Stores Cigar

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary to do it.”

Men Love Funny Marriage Wife He Man Secretary Administrative Administrative Professionals Day Administrative Professionals

Author:Benjamin Mancroft, 3rd Baron Mancroft

“Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"”

Men Wells Looks Persons Done Humor Funny Havens He Man Taxes Paid Mirrors Court Excuse Trust Me Excuse Me

Author:Lewis Black

“A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."”

Men Said Feelings Humor Funny Three Walks Minutes He Man Doctors Sorry Eggs Hospitals Saying Sorry

Author:Frank Carson

“A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."”

Men Humor Funny Wife He Man Brother My Wife Mates Twins Beard

Author:Frank Carson

“A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."”

Men Firsts Humor Funny Guy Turns Next Asks Happened He Man Lucky Window Glasses Covered Toes Lucky You Bandages

Author:Frank Carson

“So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."”

Men Said Humor Funny Watches He Man Shops Vines Analogue

Author:Tim Vine

“A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.”

Knows Men Long Said Humor Funny Havens He Man Long Time Doctors Ill

Author:Tommy Cooper

“A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."”

Men Wells Problem Humor Seems Funny Asks Walks Five He Man Fit Office Doctors Gloves Trousers

Author:Tommy Cooper

“A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."”

Men Humor Funny Party Fronts He Man Dresses Come Up Supposed To Be Fancy Pants Premature Ejaculation Premature Ejaculation

Author:Tommy Cooper

“I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented apples. ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.”

Men Want Humor Funny Known He Man Apples Soil Caps Crisps Pandas

Author:Noel Fielding