“If men have a smell it's usually an accident.” IfsMenHumorFunnyComedySmellAccidents Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.” HumorFunnySportsDoctorsAccidentsOne TimeHerpes Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!” IfsMenNeedsLittlesHumorFunnyUsedHateMissingLike YouCoupleDrawsI HateMadFingersAccidentsStoresTurkeysGroceriesMessed UpHamGrocery StoresFellasBolognaPastrami Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.” HumorFunnyAsksFineInvolvedPicksAccidentsThanksLimbsAlright Author:Billy Connolly
“Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.” YearsStillsHumorFunnyTenAccidentsDisappointedChernobyl Author:Jimmy Carr
“My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."” WellsMayHumorFunnyFallRocksInformationLuckyAccidentsFavouriteLotteryRoad SignSign Sayings Author:Jimmy Carr
“A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"” KnowsMenFeelsI CanHumorFunnySeriousArmsDoctorsRoundsLegsAccidentsHospitals Author:Tommy Cooper
“Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?” HumorFunnyAccidentsCentsHomeless Author:Bob Monkhouse