“Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion.” HumorBigsFunnyArmsBaseballPoundsLionsMiscellaneous Author:Jerry Coleman
“I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!” KnowsWayDoeSaidTwoHumorFunnyTogetherEasyBornSimpleSawsMiddleMissingTvsArmsLettersRaisesThey SaidContractions Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.” WantHumorFunnyWatchesArms Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", but then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together".” IfsKnowsShouldHumorFunnyTogetherCuttingArmsTypeCornCorn On The Cob Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.” IfsHumorWould BeFunnyArmsJacketsVests Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."” WellsStoriesHumorFunnyGuyLandMinesArmsLegsSnowTeethBottlesWhiskeyTaffy Author:Dave Attell
“The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!” WantHumorFunnyHellArmsBearsAmendmentsSecond AmendmentRight To Bear Arms Author:Robin Williams
“I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.” HumorFunnyGirlArmsBargainsThis GirlPigtails Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.” DoneHumorHandsFunnyArmsWrestlingSnakesNurturingPetaCuddling Author:Sarah Silverman
“So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."” SaidHelpingProblemDreamHumorFunnyBeautifulNightGirlBreakArmsDoctorsYesterdayPushingRushingBeautiful Girl Author:Tommy Cooper
“Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'” MenSaidHumorFunnyGuyNextArmsDrinkSittingBarsHeySleevesHey You Author:Tommy Cooper
“A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"” KnowsMenFeelsI CanHumorFunnySeriousArmsDoctorsRoundsLegsAccidentsHospitals Author:Tommy Cooper
“Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'” WantChildrenHumorFunnyArmsAddNoiseInner ChildTreehouses Author:Russell Howard