“All my wife has ever taken from the Mediterranean - from that whole vast intuitive culture - are four bottles of Chianti to make into lamps, and two china condiment donkeys labelled Sally and Peppy.” TwoWholeHumorFunnyCultureTakenFourWifeChinaMy WifeBottlesLampsIntuitiveDonkeyCondimentsChianti Author:Peter Shaffer
“I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.” HumorFunnyImagineCleanDrunkBottlesCleaningFluidVodka Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.” TwoHelpingHumorFunnySweetTenLet MeTeethBottlesDeliciousCandySweet Tooth Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.” NeedsHumorFunnyWishEasyBottlesEasy To Get Author:Chelsea Handler
“You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."” WellsStoriesHumorFunnyGuyLandMinesArmsLegsSnowTeethBottlesWhiskeyTaffy Author:Dave Attell
“If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.” IfsShouldEndsHumorFunnyWaterWeekDrinkGardenScientistAssBottles Author:Lewis Black
“I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."” NeedsHumorFunnyTurnsStuffExpectedTricksIceBottlesRecipesFreezeCubesTrays Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.” KnowsIdeasFactsHumorFunnySidesWaterRoughBottlesPrintedChemist Author:Jim Gaffigan