“I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.” HumorFunnyImagineCleanDrunkBottlesCleaningFluidVodka Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.” LittlesHomeHumorWantedFunnyNamesBitsLittle BitNegativeCleanCheeseChipsSpongesTortillas Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.” KnowsLooksHumorFunnyBabyCleanSmellShirtsYardsSpitWardrobeCleanersDid You KnowSpit Up Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'” HumorFunnyDoorsSecurityMissingMovedCleanArguingApartmentPizzaCeilingsSinglesDepositsLandlordBack Doors Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like "Howdy, folks!" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder: Where do they get these people? My guess: 1952. I think old Walt realized, way back then, that there would eventually be a shortage of cheerful people, so he put all the residents of south western Nebraska into a giant freezer with a huge picture of Jiminy Cricket on the outside, and the corporation has been thawing them out as needed ever since.” PeopleThinkingWorldWayMeanHas BeensEnoughHumorSeemsFunnyRoomsWonderHugeNeededCleanSouthWesternFolksCorporationsGiantsEmployeeCricketCheerfulShortageResidentsWaltNebraskaFreezerNeurosurgeryThawing Book:Dave Barry Talks Back Source: Dave Barry Talks Back
“I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle of the night.” HumorHandsFunnyNightHouseDarkMiddleCleanUrgesCompulsionUnreasonableMiddle Of The NightClean House Author:James Thurber