“When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.” IfsKnowsDoeHelpingHumorFunnyColdCome UpHealArrowsAlleviate Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.” GivingWellsKindHumorBigsFunnyGuyKissingBaseballCome UpHug Author:Jerry Coleman
“Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.” MenMayLongHumorFunnyExpressionOceanLong TimeEnglandSizeCome UpShipsBeing TrueHoney Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."” MenHumorFunnyPartyFrontsHe ManDressesCome UpSupposed To BeFancyPantsPrematureEjaculationPremature Ejaculation Author:Tommy Cooper
“Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying..."” PeopleKnowsWellsHumorFunnyAmericaCome UpAnnoying Author:Mike Birbiglia
“Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!" And then I dance, and they're like, "Not like that!"” TryingHumorFunnyCome UpClubsUp To You Author:Mike Birbiglia