“I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"” ThinkingShouldHumorHappensFunnyWishCuttingCarMonthsPressesThings HappenCrapHornsSidewalk Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.” IfsYearsFirstsWellsHumorFunnySwimmingCrapGreat Year Author:Lewis Black
“That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.” PeopleIfsMenWantFeelsHumorFunnyStuffBreakPiecesProtectWindowGlassesClubsStealingWheelsCrapSteering Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed - are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever think that depression might be the reasonable human response to the crap we're going through as a species, meant to propel us into the next evolutionary step, or at least into taking some different course of action so we might survive? Do you ever think that maybe it's the happy people that are really screwed up in the head?” PeopleThinkingHumansDifferentHumorMightActionFunnyCoursesNextStepsPlanetsResponseSpeciesReasonableCrapIndicationLiving OnScrewed UpHappy People Author:Marc Maron
“Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!” NeedsHelpingHumorFunnyWaitingCrapNeed HelpCheapness Author:Craig Ferguson
“I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been so successful selling a lot of crap.” ThinkingHumorFunnySuccessfulDuesSellingSentimentsCrapMicrosoft Author:Steve Wozniak