“I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified.” HumorPoliticalFineLaborAccountsPressesSecretaryQualifiedPolitical HumorBushism Author:George W. Bush
“I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to ask the questioners the question they've been questioning. On the other hand, I firmly believe she'll be a fine secretary of labor. And I've got confidence in Linda Chavez. She is a - she'll bring an interesting perspective to the Labor Department.” BelieveHumorHandsPoliticalAsksChanceInterestingHavensPerspectiveFineLaborDepartmentQuestioningSecretaryPolitical HumorChavez Author:George W. Bush
“I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.” HumorFunnyFineWeaponsGuiltyCorpsesConcealedConcealed Weapons Author:Roy Bean
“When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.” HumorFunnyAsksFineInvolvedPicksAccidentsThanksLimbsAlright Author:Billy Connolly
“There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.” GivingLooksHumorFunnyLinesFineWindowEmsIllegalHintsFine Lines Author:Dave Attell
“I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose." "Scissors cuts paper." "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "Paper covers rock." "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks." There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."” KnowsShouldI CanTwoHumorFunnyTogetherStuffLosesBreakForeverCuttingRocksFinePaperThirdsDestroyedDamageTake MeBentBreak ThroughBack TogetherDynamiteScissors Author:Demetri Martin
“The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary a couple of weeks ago about tribal warfare among monkeys, that was all filmed in a Yates wine lodge in Dundee. Comic Relief is faked. Everybody in Africa is fine.” HumorFunnyCoursesStuffAnimalWeekTvsFineCoupleWineHearingComicReliefAwardsWarfareOlympicsMonkeysDocumentariesScottishLodgesComic ReliefDundee Author:Frankie Boyle
“A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'” PeopleIfsThinkingKnowsLittlesDoeHumorHappensRunningFunnyJesusChurchMinutesFrontsNew YorkFineTomorrowOfficeLateAskingRoundsJewPostsBusComing BackAlrightPost OfficeI'm Back Author:Marc Maron
“I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace. Which I think is fine, cause if we didn't make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.” IfsThinkingMenStillsHumorFunnyGuyCausesFineWorkplace Author:Mike Birbiglia