“Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.” Has BeensHumorHappensLawKnownLawyerInnocentClientsJuryReluctantTriumphantVerdictAcquittal Book:De Profundis: The Ballad of Reading Gaol and Other Writings Source: De Profundis: The Ballad of Reading Gaol and Other Writings
“I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are "always on." It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.” PeopleIfsThinkingWayLongHumorHappensPainTermEffectsPerspectiveConstantEndlessComicLong TermSensibilityRenewalShort TermCopingFilters Author:Woody Allen
“I have always employed humor, and I think it’s absolutely crucial that we do because, among other things, humor is the only free emotion. I mean, you can compel fear, as we know. You can compel love, actually, if somebody is isolated and dependent — it’s like the Stockholm syndrome. But you can’t compel laughter. It happens when two things come together and make a third unexpectedly. It happens when you learn something, too.” KnowsMeanTwoHumorHappensTogetherEmotionLaughterThirdsTwo ThingsLove Actually Author:Gloria Steinem
“My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the - in the Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different parties involved that peace will never happen.” Has BeensDifferentHumorHappensPoliticalPartyLeaderViolenceMiddleInvolvedCallingEastAdministrationMiddle EastPolitical Humor Author:George W. Bush
“I'm also honored to be here with the speaker of the House - just happens to be from the state of Illinois. I'd like to describe the speaker as a trustworthy man. He's the kind of fellow who says when he gives you his word he means it. Sometimes that doesn't happen all the time in the political process.” MenGivingKindMeanSometimesStatesHumorHappensPoliticalHouseProcessFellowsSpeakersHonoredTrustworthyPolitical HumorIllinois Author:George W. Bush
“I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"” ThinkingShouldHumorHappensFunnyWishCuttingCarMonthsPressesThings HappenCrapHornsSidewalk Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."” IfsKnowsShowsHumorHappensFunnyGuyWinningHappenedAdvertisingChokeAdvertisementsHamburgersCasinos Author:Mitch Hedberg
“There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?” IfsThinkingFirstsSaidTwoHumorHappensFunnyGuyWorryHappeningsFaultsGirlfriendTwo ThingsOne TimeOther GuysSexuallyMy Girlfriend Author:Jimmy Carr
“A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'” PeopleIfsThinkingKnowsLittlesDoeHumorHappensRunningFunnyJesusChurchMinutesFrontsNew YorkFineTomorrowOfficeLateAskingRoundsJewPostsBusComing BackAlrightPost OfficeI'm Back Author:Marc Maron
“"I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" The baby starts to come down...and once that happens you can't-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that's how I did it.” BelieveI CanHumorHappensFunnyBabyDown And Author:Tina Fey
“I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.” IfsKnowsWantDoeSaidBookHumorLightHappensFunnyJobsGuyTurnsReadingAsksLet MeSpeedThings HappenInterviewsTurn-onSpaceshipsSpeed Of LightJob InterviewHeadlights Author:Steven Wright