“I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to pay some fees.” I CanHumorFunnyTurnsPayWeekAccountsTradeFees Author:Mike Birbiglia
“I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"” PersonsSaidI CanHumorFunnyBlackCan DoWhiteRaceMy FavoriteInsultChickensPlusSoupAsianBeansCrackersSlurs Author:Mike Birbiglia
“I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."” ThinkingKnowsI CanHumorMightFunnySongMusicWrittenListeningRadio Author:Steven Wright
“The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.” I CanHumorFunnyWatchesComedyStones Author:Steven Wright