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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.”

Ifs Want Humor Funny Sea Rivers Sticks Very Good Fishes Boat Lakes Fishing Posture Good Posture

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“At Poltersberg, there is a lake similarly cursed. If you throw a stone into it, a dreadful storm immediately arises, and the whole neighboring district quakes to its centre. 'Tis the devils kept prisoner there.”

Ifs Whole Humor Religious Devil Stones Storm Arise Lakes Prisoner Centre Cursed Quake

Book:The Life of Luther Written by Himself

Source: The Life of Luther Written by Himself

“What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.”

Knows Should Two Humor Funny Sea Rivers Fishes Boat Two Things Lakes Fishing Chickens Penguins Fish Tanks

Author:Dave Attell

“You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.”

Knows Want Shows Humor Funny Sea Tvs Late Rivers Fishes Boat Lakes Fishing Let It Go Trout Fishing

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"”

Knows Writing Kind Stories Humor Kids Funny Car Inspire Yeah Inspired Silly Hey Lakes True Story Gorillas

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."”

Said Humor Funny Worry Saws Lakes Hanging Out Say Anything Seagull

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”

Ifs Wells I Can Humor Funny Lakes What If Swim Crash

Author:Dylan Moran

“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."”

Ifs Men Humor Funny Waiting Ice If I Could Lakes Old Man Skating Ice Skating

Author:Rodney Dangerfield