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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes

“President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.”

Shows Humor Hands Funny Names Nations President United Support Speech Touching United Nations President Bush Assembly General Assembly

Author:Tina Fey

“Take the life issue. This issue requires a president and an administration leading our nation to understand the importance of life. This whole faith-based initiative really ties into a larger cultural issue that we're working on. It begins to affect the life issue, as well as the human dignity issue, because when you're talking about welcoming people of faith to help people who are disadvantaged and are unable to defend themselves, the logical step is also those babies.”

“Our plan will not favor religious institutions over nonreligious institutions. As president, I'm interested in what is constitutional and I'm interested in what works.”

Humor Political President Religious Plans Institutions Favors Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“I've heard the call. I believe God wants me to run for president.”

Want Believe Humor Running Political I Believe President Heard Believe In God Want Me Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“You saw the president yesterday. I thought he was very forward-leaning, as they say in diplomatic nuanced circles.”

Humor Political President Saws Yesterday Circles Diplomatic Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“Well, it's an unimaginable honor to be the president during the Fourth of July of this country. It means what these words say, for starters. The great inalienable rights of our country. We're blessed with such values in America. And I - it's - I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values.”

“Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that.”

Humor Political President Blame Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders.”

Ifs Humor Care Political Order President Rooms Emergencies Political Humor Gags Emergency Room

Author:George W. Bush

“Well, that's going to be up to the pundits and the people to make up their mind. I'll tell you what is a president for him, for example, talking about my record in the state of Texas. I mean, he's willing to say anything in order to convince people that I haven't had a good record in Texas.”

People Mind Wells Mean States Humor Political Order President Talking Records Havens Example Willing Convince Texas Say Anything Political Humor Pundits Good Records

Author:George W. Bush

“I think he needs to stand up and say if he thought the president were wrong on policy and issues, he ought to say where.”

Ifs Thinking Needs Humor Political President Issues Policy Ought Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about vice presidents.”

Humor Political President Party Vices Vice President Nominations Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“It's my first trip as president of the United States.”

Firsts States Humor Political President United United States Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“Dan Moldea, the lead investigator for Larry Flynt's ongoing quest to uncover sexual indiscretions of Republican congressional members, has now admitted he was hired by the law firm defending President Clinton.”

Humor Law President Religious Republican Members Clinton Positive Atheism Firm Quests Ongoing Larry Investigators President Clinton Law Firms

Author:Jerry Falwell

“If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy.”

Ifs Firsts Looks Humor Would Be Funny Asks House President White Female Ask Me White House Really Cool Cozy Female President

Author:Jennifer Lopez

“Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!”

Wells Humor Funny President Majority Candidates Consolation Exes

Author:William Howard Taft

“I don't need a president with a bucket list!”

Needs Humor Funny President Lists Buckets Bucket List

Author:Chris Rock

“What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?”

Ifs Giving Two Humor Kids Funny Reading Next President Giving Up Concerned Empty Sick Miles Seats Gates Pens Airline Flyers Empty Seats Sick Kids

Author:David Cross

“I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.”

Thinking World Ends Humor Care Funny President Don't Care I Don't Care End Of The World

Author:Marc Maron