“Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.” ThinkingHumorFunnyComedyKingsStandingSorryPensRobinsI Am SorryAm SorryDisillusion Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying "We don't have to fix anything."” PeopleNeedsWholeHomeHumorBigsFunnyStandingApartmentUnnecessaryWarehouse Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.” HumorFunnyStandingBaseballStealingLarry Author:Jerry Coleman
“I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"” PeopleKnowsTwoHumorFunnyLinesForgetFrontsStandingOkayMachinesThings To DoSecondsCashForget ItFree Time Author:Jim Gaffigan
“My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.” MenHumorFunnyMotherFatherSimpleResultsFrontsStandingSimpletonsSimple Man Author:Chic Murray
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.” PeopleHumorFunnySawsTreeFrontsWalkingShadowStandingWoodsCandleRabbits Author:Steven Wright