“I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"” KnowsWritingKindStoriesHumorKidsFunnyCarInspireYeahInspiredSillyHeyLakesTrue StoryGorillas Author:Mitch Hedberg
“A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. "Come on, man, there has to be more to that story."” PeopleMenLongEndsStoriesHumorFunnyAttentionHappenedDrugMadExtrasDisorderDeficitAttention SpanAttention Deficit Disorder Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.” DifferentStoriesHumorFunnyReadingMy OwnGaySittingMagazinesStationsBusMagicianOwn BusinessMinding My Own Business Author:Dave Attell
“You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."” WellsStoriesHumorFunnyGuyLandMinesArmsLegsSnowTeethBottlesWhiskeyTaffy Author:Dave Attell
“Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.” NeedsImportantStoriesHumorFunnyGuySex Author:Adam Ferrara
“I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid and rubbed his eyes, and the kid could see. But he wasn't used to the light, 'cause it was bright, and he walked into traffic and was killed instantly. Okay, the people that are laughing right now? I'm gonna call you guys half-full. Because you're focusing on the important part of the story: the bracelets are working.” PeopleImportantStoriesHumorLightEyeKidsFunnyUsedGuyJesusCausesHalfLaughingSawsRight NowOkayBlindHis EyesTrafficArmstrongHalf FullBracelet Author:Daniel Tosh