“Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.” HumansHumorFunnyLawUniverseCoursesFailingFunctionDown AndEndeavorCollapseSlow DownGigsPointlessRenderingEntropySlowingOf ContextThermal Author:Bill Bailey
“I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.” BelieveMeanMadeEnoughHumorFunnyUniverseSweetDon't BelieveSmellSugarPiePumpkinPumpkin Pie Book:Nothing's Sacred Source: Nothing's Sacred
“The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.” KnowsHumorFunnyUniverseStuffTalkingKnowingMysteryNineThirtyNot Knowing Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.” HumorFunnyUniverseBabyHaving A BabyDui Author:Natasha Leggero