“If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"” IfsHumorFunnyPayGroupsOffersNotesDinnerChecksThanksWalletsGroup Of Friends Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.” HumorFunnyLostSoundHellAddictionAnnoyedWalletsCasinosLost MoneyVelcro Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.” IfsKnowsDoeHumorFunnyBreakWorryKnow HowCarDown AndGasBreaking DownTanksCockyWalletsToolboxAka Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies are exposed to instructional flashcards designed to make them the best babies they can possibly be, so they can get into today's competitive preschools. Your eighties baby sees so many flashcards that he never gets an unobstructed view of his parents' faces. As an adult, he'll carry around a little wallet card that says "7x9=63," because it will remind him of mother.” ChildrenLittlesHumorKidsTodayFunnyFacesMotherParentViewsModernBabyHumorousAdultsExcellenceStartingCardsTrendsExposedWombEightyWallets Author:Dave Barry