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Husband Quotes

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Husband Quotes

“People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.”

People Long Humor Funny Secret Century Couple Husband Asking Forgiving My Husband Quarters Long Ago Matrimony Newman Quarter Of A Century

Book:I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression

Source: I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression

“If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.”

Ifs Men Firsts Ends Humor Funny Film Doors Week Husband Cameras Video My Husband Scream Locks Bathroom Your Husband Video Cameras

Author:Rita Rudner

“My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.”

Children Made Two Humor Eye Funny Left Happened Husband Crosses My Sister Wendy Vcr Family Photo

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.”

Men Book Humor Funny Watches Husband Function Combination Piano Addresses My Husband Multiple Telescopes Address Books

Author:Rita Rudner

“Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."”

Men Said Humor Funny Hate Sex Loses Husband Beats Tennis My Husband

Author:Rita Rudner

“Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul.”

Knows Soul Humor Funny Poor Husband Late Very Sad

Author:William Archibald Spooner

“An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.”

Knows Men Humor Wanted Funny Wife Birth Husband Twins Irishmen

Author:Frank Carson

“Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."”

Humor Funny Husband Cat Cancer

Author:Tina Fey

“I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.”

Thinking Should Humor Funny Missing Husband Beer

Author:Steven Wright