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Mom Quotes

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Mom Quotes

“I'm lucky that my real-life Mom has both a great sense of humor about herself and an amazing ability to slip into complete denial if the subject matter gets a little too close to home.”

Ifs Littles Real Matter Home Humor Ability Subjects Mom Lucky Real Life Denial Sense Of Humor Slips Subject Matter

Author:Cathy Guisewite

“I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike... I believe we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society... And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't worked.”

“And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!”

People Giving Years Humor Funny Courses Father Jesus Parent Mom Single Life

Author:Robin Williams

“My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!”

Shows Humor Funny Dog Mom My Mom

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.”

Ifs Hard Humor Funny Found Mom Golf My Mom Be Good Hard Times Breasts Having A Hard Time

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'”

Humor Care Funny Mother Causes Parent Nice Mom Months Dad Mad Sorry Naked Things To Do Girlfriend Mail My Girlfriend Nice Things Furious Messed Up I Am So Sorry

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.”

“When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'”

Said Humor Funny Mom My Mom Cheese Mice Cartoon Chuck Refrigerators Trampolines Chuck E Cheese

Author:George Lopez

“At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.”

Humor Funny Deals Talking Mom My Mom Substance Factories Exes Abusers Substance Abuse

Author:George Lopez

“Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!”

Two Humor Funny Cry Mom Luck Shoes My Mom Necks Cop Good Luck Tasers

Author:George Lopez

“If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.”

Source: All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist

“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”

Humor Funny Mother Women Air Mom Daughter Parenting Motherhood Castles Psychotic Funny Mothers Day Castles In The Air Funny Mother

Author:Rita Rudner